Best 80's Christmas Movie

It’s been awhile since our last Best 80’s blah blah blah - and I know Pat absolutely adores doing them - and since it is tis’ the season I thought we would tackle Best 80’s Christmas movie. Two of my favorite Christmas movies of all time happen to have come out in the 80’s - “Christmas Vacation” and “A Christmas Story” - so we may already have the answer, but which one?

Typically for these Best 80’s posts I like to make sure that in addition to being a really good 80’s whatever, it also represents the 80’s. This may be why we have to go with “Christmas Vacation”. Granted it did come out in 1989 which is the most non-80’s year you can be while still being in the 80’s. But while “A Christmas Story” did come out in 1983 - which according to these heroes, is one of the best 1980 years there is - it actually takes place in the 1940’s. That’s about as non-80’s as you can get.

So I guess Christmas Vacation it is then. Best 80’s Christmas movie.

Oh, I guess as a formality I should ask for your opinion too, Pat?

Pat: This might be our shortest post yet, as I am in full agreement with you. In fact, I’m tempted to say that this move wins for nothing more than the ingeniously placed Beverly D’Angelo still-life-with-crotch-grab in the photo above.

I wanted to counter your argument by throwing out such gems as “Scrooged” or “A Christmas Carol” with George C. Scott and Edward Woodward or “A Very Brady Christmas” or “Ernest Saves Christmas”, but...I just can’t put my heart into such a disagreement.

Wow, that was easy!

Christian: Wait. You agree with me? Now I’m starting to second guess my choice. Maybe I should have gone with “A Christmas Story”. It does have one of my all time favorite movie lines

“Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian”

But “Christmas Vacation” has the classic holiday quote

“Shitter’s full”

So I  don’t know. I think I would feel alot better with going with “Christmas Vacation” if you were going with a different movie. No offense.

Pat: None taken. If you’d like, I could go with “Scrooged”, because I just remembered that it had a stellar cast of co-stars supporting Bill Murray (arguably at his prime, as this was well before Wes Anderson even DREAMED of making movies!). Said stars include David Johansen, Carol Kane, Bobcat Goldthwaite, and, my personal favorite...Mary Lou Retton as Tiny Tim!

Not to mention a really good-at-the-time theme song by Al Green and Annie Lennox!

You and I don’t really know how to do anything other than disagree, do we? Too bad.

Christian: Yes I think it would be better if you went with “Scrooged”.

OK, now let’s continue.

“Scrooged”!??!?! That’s your pick? Are you serious?

Yes, I’ll give you that it has the incredibly talented, comic genius Mary Lou Retton in it. And Bill Murray. But isn’t it basically just a lackluster remake of Dickens’ classic Christmas tale Scrooge McDuck? It also has a weak screenplay, poor special effects, and very slow pacing. I probably should also mention that I have never seen it.

It’s not anywhere near the caliber of “Christmas Vacation”.

Pat: You should see it. It’s really good. Though...I’ve never seen it outside of the month of December. Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen ANY Christmas movie, from the 80s or any other decade, outside of the month of December. I wonder if they hold up as well in, say, July.

Christian: I’m guessing not. I’m pretty sure that the appeal of Christmas movies are heavily reliant on it being Christmas season. But that pretty much goes for anything Christmassy; Music, decorations, trees. Although I must say I do enjoy almond roca year round. There’s no single season that can contain that stuff.

But back to the topic at hand, I guess at some point I should watch “Scrooged” but I’m guessing it’s no “Christmas Vacation”. You have any other suggestions?

Pat: Yeah. If you like almond roca, you should really try aplets and cotlets too. I used to get them from my stepmom every Christmas, and I loved eating them. A mouthful of jelly, nuts and powdered sugar! And I don’t think they age, so they’re just as good in August as they are in December!  

Christian: You’re talking about these things right?

Mmmmm.... square.

(source)

Yeah. I like them. But they are no almond roca. Picking aplets and cotlets over almond roca would be like deciding to watch “Scrooged” over “Christmas Vacation”. Cray-zee.

Pat: That’s them, alright! Mmm...tasty AND translucent!

And, I figured out a solution to our conundrum! To pick only one favorite candy from either almond roca or aplets & cotlets is like picking your favorite cheese from either swiss or bleu. Can’t be done! They’re BOTH great, and they exist in non-comparable realms of cheese-dom!

Just like the two movies, right?!

Christian: What are you talking about? Bleu cheese is by far the more superior cheese. Swiss is fine for a sandwich or feeding your dog but bleu cheese is like the “Christmas Vacation” of cheeses. It’s heaven on burgers and goes great on salads. My wife makes these amazing ham, bleu cheese, and pear croissant sandwiches that are to die for!

You can’t possibly think swiss cheese is on par with bleu cheese, Pat. I thought you were more sophisticated than that.

Pat:  What if I told you that I once made a grilled cheeses sandwich, where I laid on a layer of swiss, and then filled in the holes with chunks of bleu? Would that redeem me in your esteem?

Christian: Of course it would. Applying multiple cheese types to a food item is like melting silver and gold into a new super element called “golver” and ruling the lands with your mighty stockpile of golver that affords you the most sophisticated of armies.

It’s like watching “Christmas Vacation” twice in a row.