Fear of Latitudes: Session 3

Awhile back Pat was brave enough to admit that he had a fear of latitudes (the post can be found here and/or here). After calling him a lati-pansy I decide that I wanted to help him conquer these fears. We learned it had something to do with some gibberish about something or something but we also learned that a picture of Jennifer Connely had a calming effect on Pat that helps him deal with this fear.

We had a second session that began with a picture of Jennifer Connely - that can be found here and way over here - during which we learned that Pat’s latitude phobia may have had something to do with a sexy Swedish au pair named Inga that Pat stayed with for a bit while visiting Sweden in the second grade. But that’s where we left things off.

I figured it’s about time we check in again to see how Pat is doing with conquering this oddball fear of his. But of course we first need to start with a picture of the star from the hit show Friends and and the new Hunger Game movies Jennifer Connely, so that Pat feels comfortable and safe before we dive in.

Jennifer

Christian: So Pat, how have things been since our last session?

Pat:  Pretty good, but I’ve gone nowhere near any northern latitudes. Well, I had to teach students about countries like Russia and Canada and Finland and Denmark--did you know that they own Greenland? Crazy!--so I guess I got kind of close, but it was mainly just with maps.

Yeah, pretty good. But now you have me second guessing something else, which is kind of bringing up some new feelings. I never said that Inga was an au pair. She was a friend. That’s all. But now I’m wondering if you saw something in my words that gave you insight into what she REALLY was, and I’m wondering why I might have had a Swedish nanny for a while and why my parents didn’t feel comfortable telling me.

So...yeah. Other that completely questioning everything I thought I knew about my childhood, I think I’m good.

Christian: Here’s a quote by you from our second session:

“I don’t remember much of Inga, except that when she stayed with my family (exchange student? Au pair? Mail order sister-wife?) we had a lot of dinner parties...”

So the thing I saw in your words that made me think she might have been an au pair was the part where you say au pair.

I’m starting to get greatly concerned about you. Seems like you are really suppressing this sensuous Inga woman. She must have made quite an impact on you. Continue.

Pat:  GOD! I HATE it when you use my exact words in quote form to remind me of what I said. I’ve told you lots and lots of times (I think) that I’m not aware of a good 70% of the words that come out of my mouth....or fingers.

And please don’t use the word “sensuous” anymore. I think Inga might be, like, 70 now. I feel like I need to apologize to her for the image that just popped into my head. And I WOULD, too, except that she lives so damn far north.

Christian: I did a google image search for Swedish au pair and this was the first image that came up so I’m assuming this is Inga:

Definitely Inga

(source)

So this sensuous sensual Inga woman seems to be stirring some strong emotions in you. Tell me about your earliest memory of her. And what she was wearing.

Pat:  Wow...that could nearly be a spitting image for Inge/Inga. That, or for one of the many many girls I remember fantasizing over noticing on the beaches of Lake Mälaren in Stockholm. Y’see...I was all of seven years old, and Sweden is a country where the women are HOT!!! strong and confident enough to sunbathe topless, even in the face of completely mesmerized interested and curious young visitors from foreign lands.

I think I could maybe be encouraged to travel to higher latitudes now.  

Christian: Yes it sounds like you might be cured now. However we still don’t know from what.

Perhaps you are afraid of beauty. Maybe you have been projecting your fear of beauty onto latitudes because of their association with all those sensual northern bound Swedish au pairs you saw as an impressionable youth. I guess that would mean you are also suppressing them while projecting them. Projeppressing them? Either way you’re doing something wacko with them.

Is it really beauty you fear?

Although, if so, how is it that you’re not afraid of me then? Weird.

Pat:  First off...duh! “Beauty” and “sui generis” are two COMPLETELY different things. Apples and oranges, buddy.

Secondly...duh! I can totally tell you what it is I’m afraid of--and by the way...NOW who’s losing their memory? Pretty sure I already explained this in one of the earlier posts (but please don’t go look, ‘cause I’m usually too lazy to go back and look--I just have a really good feeling about this one--and I HATE it when you prove me idiotic in public, and I REALLY hate it when you do it twice in the same post!), but it is the completely rational fear that as you move poleward you lose the balance and ability to stay fixed on the earth that comes with relative proximity to the equator, or its cousins the tropics.  Simply put...I’m afraid of either falling over or falling off, or worse yet, BOTH!

Christian: Yes but the question still remains as to why you are afraid of falling as you venture away from the equator. I still think it might have something to do with sexy Swedish au pairs. But I’m getting kind of sleepy so  it looks like our session is over for today. I’ll go do some more research on sexy Swedish au pairs and we’ll pick this up in our next session.