"I Just Want to Pee Alone" Review Extravaganza Bonanza-palooza

Today is a first at PCPPP. It’s our first book review! We’ll be reviewing the book “I Just Want to Pee Alone”, an anthology of the work of 37 strong, empowered women. The book consists of 37 short essays (one for each author. Go math!) relating some aspect of being a mother and finding the humor in the absurdity of child raising.  

To the Amazon!

Under full disclosure it should be noted that our friend Kelley over at Kelley’s Break Room - who is one of the book’s author’s - asked us to do a review and sent us two free copies (physical...not that digital e-book sorcery), which is technically the very first compensation either Pat or I have ever received for doing this blog stuff. I guess this means we have a revenue stream now or something. We’ll probably need to start filing taxes too. Not sure.

(Pat:  Wait...do we need to claim something. I sent in my taxes a long time ago. I do NOT want to get audited!)

Anyways, while still under full disclosure I would also like to disclose that as a child while playing pretend Army - where you run around with sticks pretending to shoot at your friends and yelling “I GOT YOU! I GOT YOU!” - there were a few times where I yelled “I GOT YOU!” but I had really missed.

Phew. It’s good to get that off my chest.  

Now some might say that by doing a book review post we’re selling out to the man. But in actuality we are selling out to 37 women which we can all agree is way cooler and much hotter.

Others may be wondering why have us review it? The book is about the trials and tribulations of being a mother and after all we are just two dudes that write a nonsense blog and hardly ever even mention that we own have kids. Well, we can only assume they’re wanting to break into that elusive brutally handsome and rugged males market. Kudos ladies!

So without further ado let the reviewing begin. I’ll start...

Christian: First off I think it should be noted that this book is nothing like Lord of the Rings. There are no magical rings, wizards or Hobbits and hardly any mentions of Orcs*. I might even go as far to say that this books is very un-Tolkien-esque. However it is much funnier. And there are a lot more vaginas. In fact, reading this book is like traveling through the wardrobe to the land of Vagarnia.

Pat:  I have to start off by admitting that I am kind of terrified to say anything about a book written by a group of women who are so at ease with saying the word “vagina” in so many contexts. I took a lot of Women’s Studies courses in college (I thought it might be a good way to get a date. It wasn’t.), and I learned that the word “vagina” can sometimes mean “Don’t you dare say a goddamned thing if you don’t have one, dickhead”.

Pat’s notes from reading the book.

Christian: Well yes, I guess vagina can mean many different things. But in the context of this book it typically means the place where children come out of.

But the book isn’t entirely about vaginas. It’s about finding the humor in the madness and frustration of being a parent, which every parent can appreciate and relate to. And the page numbering is sequential, which is a big plus in my book!

Pat:   Good point! I can remark on the numerative qualities of the book and not feel at all like a male oppressor! I think this book did a fantastic job of not only sequentially numbering the pages in the book, but also making sure odd numbers always appeared on the right side of the book. That kind of attention to detail is really hard to come by these days.

I was also really captivated by the stories.

Christian:  You mean in addition to the page numbering?

Pat:  Yeah. There were a lot of them that talked about poop. Granted, it was baby poop, and I would just as soon forget about meconium, but I LOVE it when the ladies talk about poop. It’s just funny....poop.

Christian: Yes, it’s nice to have hobbies. Anyways, another thing that is great about the book is that it’s not a how-to or advice book on parenting. It’s just pure humor. No “You need to do this”, or “Research shows that” or “You can’t do that, it’s illegal”. Just funny honest stories about parenting.

Pat:  You’re absolutely right! As I was reading it, I kept thinking it would have been a great partner text to the whole What To Expect... series. Kinda’ like a What You Couldn’t Ever Have Possibly Fucking Expected... book.

Although, I have to admit...I thought there would be more Orcs in it.

Christian: Yeah, it is hard to get past the lack of Orcs. But it does cover a wide range of parenting styles which allows all readers something to identify with.

Pat:  Parenting style? Am I supposed to have one of those? Do YOU have one?

Christian: Oh yeah. It’s rather simple though. I pretty much go with my instincts and when I get into a tough situation I just ask myself “What would David Lee Roth do”?

Pat:  He would just yell “Panama!” wouldn’t he? And then do a high kick?

Christian: You would be surprised how often that helps.

Pat:  Hmm. I also really liked how the various entries addressed the multiple aspects of parenting, and motherhood in particular. You have your pregnant moms, your birthing moms, your toddler-moms (wait, that one sounds funny), your moms-of-many-kids, and your daughters of other moms...

Christian: But no Orc-moms.

Pat:  No...sadly, no Orc moms. But I bet the Orcs would have LOVED the story of Meredith’s mom’s ashes blowing in the wind. That seems like something Orcs would find funny.

Christian: I would like to think so. *wipes tear from eye*

Pat:  Anyways...I also noticed that all of the authors had a certain devil-may-care attitude towards motherhood...and womanhood...and general personhood. Like, these are the kind of ladies empowered womyn who wake up in the morning and get the job done. They don’t care about how they look, or how pristine the minivan is, or how clean and un-smelly the kids are. They get the family through the day, and I respect them for that. Life ain’t pretty, and these womyn embody that!

Wait...that didn’t sound like I wanted it to. I have no idea what they look like. I bet they’re really hot! Wait, that doesn’t sound right either. Shit! Christian...help!

Christian:  They seem like the kind of womyn you would want to hang out with. Something tells me they could really hold their liquor.  

Pat:  Yes! Thank you! Amen to that, brother!

So...there were A LOT of these stories that resonated with me...basically anything hinting at actions that would undoubtedly lead to lifelong regret.   

Christian: So true. As a parent I related to a lot of these stories too. Granted in my earlier years when I was a single dude, racing cars and hitting the blackjack tables while doing lines of cocaine off womyn’s tits, I may not have related to a lot of the stories, or even understood them. “Is episiotomie an art class I can take?”, my younger self would have asked.

But even if the whole parenting thing is not your scene, I bet you know someone for whom it is. For example I bet your mom has kids. And this would be a great gift for any mom with a great sense of humor.

Pat:  True. Not for everyone. Like...not for fans of Sepultura.  

BUT...if you are a fan of self-deprecating womyn who speak truths about the unspoken underbelly of pregnancy, childbirth, child-rearing or annoying-but-ultimately-lovable husbands and families...then THIS is the book for you!

And it talks about poop. And vaginas. It talks about vaginas A LOT!

Christian: Yes. So in conclusion we are giving this book 5 thumbs up out of 4 stars. It is available in paperback and for your Kindle and can be purchased here, here, and over here. We recommend buying about 15 to 20 copies.

* Frodo is mentioned once on page 15. For real.