Gift Wrapping Passion

I think we can all agree that wrapping presents is as manly of a skill as chopping wood, fixing cars, and bench pressing chainsaws. And I assume you are like me, Pat, in that you do all the gift wrapping in your household since - again I’m assuming - that you wear the pants in your family.

But while I still take pride in a well wrapped gift resulting in only a minimal amount of fire damage to my immediate surroundings, I find myself growing tired of it. More and more I look to just stuff the well chosen gift item into a gift bag and call it good as opposed to the painstaking process of cutting, folding, and taping shiny-fancy paper all over it.

Thoughtful.

(source)

Am I losing the Christmas spirit? I’m still just as manly as I have always been. Maybe even too manly. So I don’t know what’s going on. How do you feel about gift wrapping Pat?

Pat: Oh, I definitely prefer thoughtful gift-wrapping over nameless, faceless gift bagging. But you know me, man...I like to keep it pretty simple:

Simple, yeah?

Christian: But how do you keep your gift wrapping fire and passion still burning after all these years?

Pat: Don’t you think that’s a little personal, buddy? My fiery passion is gift wrapped just fine, thank you very much. Do you call yours a fiery passion too?

Christian: I call mine sherbert.

Wait, we’re talking about ice cream flavors right? Yeah, either sherbert or stiff banana cream with sensual nuts.

But the question I was asking was; how have you not gotten burnt out on wrapping presents year after year?

Pat: Well, it’s not like I’m doing it full-time, all year long. Man...you must give a lot of gifts!

And, really? “Stiff banana cream with sensual nuts?” SO cliché!

“Sherbert”, though...I want to talk about that. It’s a little known fact that we often mis-speak and mis-spell the delightful frozen concoction by placing an extra ‘r’ in it. Well, I know how much you love grammatical corrections, dear friend, so let me kindly remind you that the proper spelling and pronunciation of the frozen-dessert-similar-to-sorbet-but-containing-a-trace-of-milkfat is, in fact, “sherBET”. Sounds and looks funny, I know, but there you have it. It’s like “FebRuary” and “WedNESday” and “cliTORis”. You know, words that just sound and look funny.

Christian: Then why isn’t the spell checking lord flagging sherbert? These are hard facts you can’t deny Pat. Explain.

Pat: Well...some lords are naturally better than others. But I’d rather not pursue that line of reasoning. I’ve made it 41 years without a decree of fatwa of infidelity, and I would like to continue that trend.  

Just spell it correctly, okay, and no gods have to enter into the scenario.

Christian: Fine we can go with Sherbet. Just like expet and pervet. And Bet and Ernie. But back to the topic on hand. How should I go about recapturing my zest for quality gift wrapping? Narcotics?

Pat:   Hmm...ever tried double-sided tape? That can spice up your gift wrapping a bit! Makes it look like you did it all with no tape at all! Man, your recipients will be SO impressed!

Christian: Double-sided tape!?!?!? Why don’t you just suggest I use performing enhancing drugs too while you’re at it. I’m not sure gift wrapping is an Olympic event or not - or whether it is in the Winter or Summer games although I see it more as a Winter one since it something you typically do indoors, so that just makes more sense - but I’m sure double-sided tape is a banned substance in regulated competitions. Cheaters are egg eaters, Pat.

Are you saying you use double-sided tape when wrapping gifts? Even the ones you give to your family?

Pat:  God no! I can never figure out how to get it off my fingers, and then I end up going through an entire roll by simply trying to bind two folds of paper together. Kinda’ don’t know why they even make the stuff.  

I was just trying to help.

You know, my wife, before she was my wife, used to work at a stationery store where she was often called upon to wrap customers’ purchases. Know what she said?

Christian: That’s what she said?

Pat: I’ll tell you.

She said it is entirely possible to wrap a gift without using a single piece of tape at all.  Wrap your head around THAT one! Ooh...I got a pun in there too.

Christian: If you’re just going to start making stuff up then we should just end this conversation right now. Wrapping a gift without using any tape? That’s just spitting in science’s face.

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Hello readers! Remember last week when we tried to determine the best Christmas song of all time and I suggested “A Holly Jolly Christmas” and Pat got disqualified by my cats so we asked you to give us your votes? The results are in and it looks like the top vote getter was “Fairytale of New York”  by The Pogues.

While I agree this is a great Christmas song it does seem to be lacking in that it's not “A Holly Jolly Christmas”. But you guys have made the decision therefore it is official. “Fairytale of New York” is the best Christmas song of all time.

Happy Holidays everyone!