Tis the season to be tis-ing things and since we both have strong opinions on music I thought we should try and pin down what is the best Christmas song of all time. Plus I know how much Pat loves narrowing down an impossibly broad scope of work into a singular representative as the pinnacle of that medium.
I’m pretty sure I have the correct answer to this one Pat, so I’ll let you start.
Pat: Can we do Columbus Day songs, instead? I’m much better with those.
If not, I’m going with Band-Aid’s, Do They Know It’s Christmastime? I’m going with that for two reasons.
1. It contains the voices or instrumentation of nearly all of my favorite bands from my early teen years. Those mostly British new wave-y bands (MUCH cooler than the USA for Africa people, anyway! Well, except for Dylan and Springsteen).
2. For you to refute it--which, given the slightly dated nature of it and the preponderance of far more “classic” tunes--would illuminate you as an insensitive jerk, blind to the plight of millions of now-40-something Ethiopians who might just have starved 30 years ago if it weren’t for Sir Bob Geldof and his friends. You’re not going to be a jerk, are you?
Oh...if we’re going with Columbus Day songs, I’m going with Indian Reservation by Paul Revere and the Raiders. More of an anti-Columbus Day song, I know, but it’s how I celebrate it.
Christian: I don’t know. There’s just something about Bob Geldof that doesn’t seem that Christmasy.
Merry Christmas everyone!!!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good song. I do like it and enjoy listening to it around the holidays but best Christmas song of all time? Not a Frosty the Snowman’s chance in hell.
You should try again.
Pat: No, YOU try. I’m sticking with it. And PLEASE don’t suggest “Frosty…” That song drives me nuts.
Christian: A Holly Jolly Christmas.
Just saying the title makes me hear Burl Ives in my earhole. Ahhh…
I win, right?
Pat: I do like me some Burl Ives, and I agree that to go with anyone else is near sacrilege, but…no. You’re not going to win me over with the rotund bearded grandpa singing the folksy exit song from “Rudolph…”.
I’m sticking with Band-Aid.
But fine, if you don’t like that one, then I’m going pagan traditional on your ass and marking The Holly and the Ivy. I’d like to see you just TRY to refute tradition (and pagans, man...please be careful when you’re refuting pagans!).
Christian: That song about berries and deer? Is Santa Claus even mentioned in it anywhere? How can you go with that one? Sure it’s a pretty song. But it’s not very fun. Or festive.
The Best Christmas song should put a smile on your face, not make you want to walk out into the woods alone, to second guess all of your life decisions.
Do They Know It’s Christmastime? was a much better choice than The Holly and the Ivy. You’re going in the wrong direction Pat.
Pat: Where the hell did you get “deer” from The Holly and the Ivy? Berries, sure, but I don’t think deer are even mentioned anywhere in the song.
Come to think of it, I don’t think anything is mentioned in the song. I think it’s instrumental.
(Just fact checked this. Kinda’ embarrassed. Turns out not only are there words to the song--lots of them in fact--but holly, ivy, berries, and deer are all mentioned. My bad. Sorry.)
Yep, I’ll stick with my first gambit. Do They Know It’s Christmastime it is!
And hey! Did you know that Burl Ives played Big Daddy in Cat On a Hot Tin Roof?
Christian: I always wondered what he looked like once all that snow melted off of him.
I went ahead and consulted with the judges (my two cats) and it has officially been decided that you are disqualified from choosing best Christmas song. I don’t know which is worse: The fact that you suggested a song that you thought was an instrumental song but wasn’t or the fact that you selected a song that you thought was an instrumental song.
How on Earth could you suggest an instrumental song (although mistakenly) as best Christmas song? You can’t sing along with an instrumental Pat.
I don’t think you are qualified enough to make this decision. In fact you are DISQUALIFIED!
Disqualified! Meow!
Pat: I think we might celebrate Christmas differently. Our celebrations involve no cats, and certainly no animals with man-hands. Stars on treetops, garlands on mantles, nutcrackers on shelves...but no man-cats.
Christian: The man-cat Christmas tradition originates from the birth of Christ.
Very few people know this but there are actually two versions of this story. The more popular one is where the three wise men show up and hand out parting gifts and all, but there is another version that says there was zero three wise men. Just a bunch of feral cats running around. They were in a stable after all.
I think most scholars agree, it’s nearly impossible to figure out which story is correct so it is best to celebrate both by combining the three wise men and the feral cats into a few man-cats.
And that is how Jesus was born.
Zero three wise men.
Anyhoo, since you’re disqualified now we’re just going to go with A Holly Jolly Christmas as the best Christmas song of all time. I’d also be fine with going with Sleigh Ride, Here Come Santa Claus, Jingle Bells, It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas, Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow or Mele Kalikimaka.
Actually, how about this? Since our dearest cherished readers are some of the most intelligent and highly attractive people around, we’ll let them decide. Give us your vote. Any Christmas song you want. We’ll tally up the votes and declare the winning song next week. But just to be clear, no one is going to win anything.
Merry Christmas!
