Awkward Moments In Nature. Or WITH Nature. Or NATURAL Awkward Moments. Shit.

Pat:  Christian, have you ever had anything weird happen with a squirrel?

Christian: No, but please tell me you have.

Pat:  Yeah. I had one attempt suicide right in front of me. Or it tried to attack me and missed horribly. Or it was just clumsy and slipped. But that last idea troubles me. I don’t like the idea of nature being clumsy. It’s like that old Far Side cartoon:


I’m not comfortable thinking that accidents can happen in nature. People, sure, as we’re awkward and uncoordinated and a little stinky, but not nature.

So not only did this squirrel hurl itself out of a tree right in front of me (as I was on one of my runs, by the way...feel free to use that in your diatribe against my chosen form of exercise), but it did a weird “floppy” thing on the ground in front of me while spinning around--like squirrely break-dancing--and then got up on all fours, peed in the road, and scurried off sideways, as if it was in a V-8 commercial geared towards rodents.

Don’t worry--I wouldn’t believe it either, but you have to believe that I couldn’t make that shit up.

What does it MEAN?

Christian: Actually a similar thing did happen to me once, but to be fair, the branch I was on really seemed like it should have been strong enough to hold my weight and I was holding a badminton racket at the time. I had seen a small creature up in the tree which I thought for sure was a Keebler Elf, whose existence I was determined to finally prove - thus the need for the badminton racket. I mean, I don’t just randomly climb trees with badminton rackets like an idiot. I’m not crazy. Anyway, the racket was to swat the elf out of the tree. I guess I hadn’t considered the potential harm to the elf as it fell to the ground so you can fault me there, but in my defense I was a lot younger back then last year.    

So having gone through a similar situation I can tell you that the subsequent break dancing, followed with peeing on all fours, followed with running off to the side is perfectly normal. Although in my case I did trip over the badminton racket as I tried to “scurry off” - as you put it - which resulted in one of my feet being stuck through the strings of the racket, so it was more of a painful dragging of myself using only my arms and one leg.

But your situation involved a squirrel and not a badminton wielding hunter of Keebler Elves, which is weird. My first thought was that maybe this was a sign of an upcoming Apocalypse similar to raining frogs, but in your case a squirrel, not frogs. I did some research to find that raining frogs isn’t actually a sign of the Apocalypse but instead was a threat from the Lord towards some woman named Pharaoh. I don’t know why the Lord would be afraid of this woman whose parents though it clever to spell their child’s name oddly (it’s spelled “F-A-R-R-A-H” people), but let’s pray to the Lord that he needs to work on his threat giving.

Having ruled out a raining frogs type dealio, I decided to research signs of the Apocalypse, because I’m really determined to make this be a sign of the end of times (I think it would be good publicity for our blog if you were the one who received the sign. We would totally clean up with google ads!). Unfortunately, I had to cut my research short to due a sudden inexplicable craving for Fudge Shoppe Grasshopper Fudge Mint cookies but I didn’t really find anything. In short, the signs of the Earth turning into a fiery hellscape of burning souls appears to involve horses representing all the wondrous colors of the rainbow. Not suicidal break dancing squirrels. I know, what the hell, right?

Anyways, if you were worried that you had witnessed the beginning of the end, hold off on maxing out those credit cards and traveling to Sacremento to scratch it off your bucket list, I think we’re still good for awhile.

Pat:  Really? The apocalypse involves My Little Ponies? (Y’know what’s scary? I just Googled™ “My Little Pony Apocalypse” and got a YouTube video from Adult Swim about...ah, shit, the world is just too weird a place!)

I don’t think the squirrel was a sign from god-- Or gods. Or goddess. I’m cool with either. Whatever-- but it feels like one of those things I wasn’t supposed to see. Like all of the animals have this agreement that humans just won’t see them screw up, and this one little squirrel goofed right in front of me. And maybe the reason he peed and then scurried off so quickly wasn’t related to the shock from the impact, but rather the fear of scorn, ostracization and ridicule that would surely result should any of his furry brethren have witnessed his blunder.

So I guess, really, I just felt some compassion for the little guy. We all screw up, y’know. Jesus, go easy on him, stone-thrower!

Christian: Oddly enough I’m now starting to see what you mean and now I’m a little unsettled by what you witnessed too. You’re right, we shouldn’t be seeing stuff like this. But I don’t think the issue is that this clumsy squirrel is going to get beaten by some master squirrel overlords. I think it’s a little less crazy than that. I think we might be seeing a break down in the structure of reality.  

You remember how in the Matrix anytime Keanu Reeves saw two cats at the same time it meant it was a glitch in the Matrix which allowed him to realize he was inside of it? Well, I’m not sure I’m remembering that right either. But I do know that he eventually learned to surf and caught those bank robbers.  

So maybe this squirrel incident is actually a sign that the fabric of our reality is collapsing? Or perhaps the reality we think we know, isn’t reality at all? I’m sure it’s one of these two.

Pat:  We may be in total agreement on this one, buddy!  

In the time since we started this conversation, a coyote has moved into the neighborhood (and decided to eat one of our cats...that was a bit awkward and may need to be another blog entry), and a skunk has moved in next door under our neighbor’s deck as though it just closed a deal and is now in escrow.  

This was not part of the agreement I imagined our hunter-gatherer relatives made with the fauna of their time regarding how we were all going to move ahead on this planet. Coyotes don’t eat domestic cats, skunks don’t exist outside of cartoons, and squirrels don’t fall out of damn trees! I can take a lot, but I can’t take this sort of ripple in my fabric, man!

Christian: In addition to those signs look what I recently found on the internet!

Ahhh! My neck!

That’s a fucking rabbit attacking a fucking cat.

Reality as we know it is about to collapse. There is no doubt about it now.

String Theory, Multiverses, and Folgers Coffee

Here at PCPPP we love science. We can’t get enough of it - science articles, science experiments, science flavored cereal, you name it! If it is the name of science then we would be more than happy to change our last names if it was legal to marry it in this state. I even wanted to name my daughter Scientifica but the wife just had to go with the name of a deceased cherished loved one that was both thoughtful and touching to everyone involved. Pshhh.

Thus, in the name of science, for this week’s post, we are going to debate String Theory. Is it a valid theory? Will it someday explain the basics of everything? Or does it not provide enough quantitative experimental predictions and therefore should be debunked?

Umm... you should start this one Pat.  

Pat:  I like strings. I remember those elementary art projects we did where we nailed nails into a board and then ran string back and forth between them, making a beautiful design. I have a theory that kids should do that activity in school. That is my string theory.

Christian: Excellent argument! But I’m really interested in hearing your take on the String Theory’s (the science one) effect on the theory of relativity and umm... math? Explain away! No detail is too small!

Pat:  String Theory fits into the category “Things I Know Nothing About But Like To Pretend I Do, And Will Continue To Do So Until Someone Smarter Calls Me Out.” Shall I proceed anyway?

Christian: I first thought about making fun of you for not knowing what String Theory is but it then occurred to me that I don’t know either. So now I’m thinking that maybe we should have figured that out before we started this topic.

(EDITOR PAT’S NOTE:  What Christian does not realize is that by merely suggesting the duality above, he has in effect created TWO REALITIES, both of which are equally plausible according to the “multiverse” theory as first posited in 1895 by American philosopher and psychologist William James, and then developed later by Hugh Everett, father of Eels frontman Mark “E” Everett, into the “many-worlds interpretation”. Let’s have fun and play out BOTH scenarios and watch as Christian’s head fills with mind-boggling possibilities. That, and we switched his normal coffee with Folgers™ brand instant coffee. Should be fun!)


(Multiverse 1)
Christian.1:  Oh man I can’t believe you don’t know what String Theory is! That’s rich. Were you raised in a non-sub-atomic barn or something? Oh boy!

Pat.1:  Sorry, man.  I was NOT raised in a barn, non-sub-atomic or otherwise. I was born in a certified hospital and raised in a split-level ranch style suburban home in the lone suburb of Eugene, Oregon. They DO have a particle accelerator or some such nuclear thing at the University of Oregon, which is also located in Eugene.  

I’d be willing to bet you money, by the way, that your fancy string theory is nothing more than an idea some science technician came up with while on snack break and admiring the seemingly unending strands of cheese pulled from his stick of mozzarella. Science schmience!


(Multiverse 2)
Christian.2:  OK, I don’t know what it is either. Maybe we should switch the topic from debating the validity of the String Theory, to trying to figure out what it is. What do you think it is? I bet it involves quarks and stuff.

Don’t ask me what a quark is.

Pat.2:  I know that quark is a sour cream like substance that seems popular only in Germany or one of its many German speaking colonies.

I think string theory is the idea that, at the smallest level, everything is made up of little (i.e. REALLY little, like...tiny!) strings. Those strings find other strings and get together to make bigger strands of strings. That whole process happens over and over again until you get...US! And all the other stuff that exists on the planet, like trees and cats and rivets and muffins. And they could get together to make things we haven’t even dreamed of yet, which is what makes it so exciting. With string theory, you never know WHAT’S going to happen.


Christian1: Wait what’s going on here? Who is this Christian2 and Pat2?

Pat1: They are alternate reality versions of us.

Pat2: We are alternate reality versions of you guys.

Christian2: Hi!

Christian1: So this other Christian, Christian2, is another version of me?

Christian2: No, you are another version of me. So anyways, back to your explanation Pat2. What you are saying makes...

Christian1: What?  Hold on. I still don’t understand what’s going on.

Christian2: Excuse me but we’re trying to have a conversation here.  

Christian1: But I don’t understand what’s happening!

Christian2: *Sigh*. What is it that you don’t understand?

Christian1: Where did you and this Pat2 come from?

Christian2: Jesus, did you not read what the Pats wrote? Either Pat correct me if I’m wrong, but according to the multiverse theory there are many universes with endless possibilities. When Christian0 (the original Christian) stated he contemplated two ways of responding (see above), two universes were created. One where you (Christian1) responded one way and I (Christian2) responded another. Duh. I don’t understand why you can’t grasp this. It’s not rocket surgery.

And who brought the Folgers? That seems like a Pat2 kind of thing. Am I right? LOL!

Christian1: I don’t like it. And you’re a dick.

Pats:  You’re right. And no, the Folgers thing was completely Pat0, and let us tell you, we are NOT looking forward to going back to him when all of this gets settled! Somebody needs to tell him how annoying he is, what with his random references from television and his attempts at sesquipedalian prose. SHIT! He just got us again!

Pat1:  Pat2, why don’t you take Christian2 off for a bit and you two can talk. I’ll hang here with Christian1 and try to help ease him into understanding what’s going on. You two have fun...we’ll catch up later. Or at least I will.

So...Christian1. Let’s talk. What about this is troubling for you?

Christian1: I hate the smell of Folgers coffee.

Pat1:  Awesome, I can work with that.  

See...by even stating that you hate the smell of Folgers™ coffee, you have opened up a new universe. You undoubtedly THOUGHT of a universe without Folgers™, which created that precise universe. Now you can rest easy knowing that you thought another version of yourself into being, and that THAT version does not have to live with the plague of bad instant coffee.

Good job, theoretical physicist! Now that you see how easy it is, why don’t you spend some thought on something more substantial, like, say, ending global poverty.  

Sure glad you got the Folgers™ problem solved though.

Say...any idea where the 2’s went?

Pat2:  *Burp!*

Christian2: Man that was some good beer.

Christian1: String theory seems so simple now (*hides under his desk and begins to cry*).

Music Festivals: Likes and Dislikes

So, awhile back I had the good fortune to experience three days at the Pickathon Music Festival, a nice little get together that lets city folk like myself pretend we’re country folk for a few days by letting us camp out, get dirty and stinky, and pump our fists without embarrassment to bands we’d otherwise probably not listen to. That said, I had a GREAT time, enjoying the event as a birthday gift from my wife, a gift that came with freedom from being a spouse and parent for a coupla’ days (not THAT kind of freedom from spouse-hood...get your head outta’ the gutter, swinger!), but I found myself in a bit of a predicament: thirteen years of wedded bliss and nine years of parenting have left me at a loss with what to do with my thoughts when nobody is occupying them. So...behold the list! As I watched the bands, drank the beer (and the wine I snuck in), and tromped through the grounds, I considered what I loved and loathed about festivals (there might be a story behind each of them...or maybe not...I was a bit tipsy when I wrote some of them down).

What I Like
-considerate smokers (I wrote this twice...not sure why)
-soul music
-old people rocking out
-blonde hair on tan legs
-rules that aren’t rules
-kids who dig snakes
-Cool tattoos: acoustic gee-tars, prairie windmills, and men holding umbrellas in a rainstorm
-squaredancing
-Bert from “Mary Poppins” (and guys who remind me of him)
-cramming stuff on my bike
-forests and hills WITH forests
-music IN forests
-’60s garage rock
-Pine State  and Garden State foods
-good bands (currently Fruit Bats, Califone, and old gospel singers)

What I Don’t Like
-dudes with french braids
-soccer mom sunglasses (worse when on dudes)
-dust
-dust covered feet
-dusty boogers
-tank tops, cutoffs, bandanas and ray-bans (as an ensemble)
-logos
-hills
-camping on hills
-festival food prices
-dumb tattoos: aquatic animals, flames, suns, moons, any celestial objects, Asian characters not on Asian people...
-hair that obviously requires effort,
-“It’s all good” spacey smiles, or worse, the phrase, “It’s all good.”
-kids with dreads
-hair feathers
-dead flora in hair
-absentee parents
-dark hair on tans legs
-tall folks (only when standing in front of me)
-port-a-potties

What I’m Not Sure About
-straw hats
-salsa/cumbia music
-grass (both kinds)
-backpacks
-beards
-hippies
-folding chairs
-festivals

Christian: I love the whole idea of music festivals, but I’ve never been to one before. The closest I have come was seeing Radiohead at The Gorge. We camped out at the concert’s designated camping field, along with 10,000 noisy drunkards and their Frisbees and left the next day.  

So it was only one day of music, or more accurately, one evening of music. However we did listen to music on the way home, so in a sense it was multiple days of music. And it was festive.  

Did you have pen and paper on hand and actually tally these lists while you were at the festival?

Pat: I did. Well, kind of. I had a pen, of course. I’m one of those people who ALWAYS has a pen. One of those people who gets really nervous when I know I am not in possession of a pen. This one was tucked nicely into one of the many pen holders of my festival backpack (yes, I probably looked like that kid that mom sent to school ready for academic battle. I don’t care. I was prepared, dammit!). This one was a nice black-ink Uniball Roller™. Wrote nice and smoothe!

But paper was another problem. I often don’t think of that. So I took a sheet out of somebody’s song notebook that I found at the lost-n-found. No notes were on it...I took a clean page. No harm, no foul.

So, yes, I had the list in my pocket and tallied as the day and night rocked on.

Funny...I like Radiohead and all, but I don’t tend to lump them in the same category of cheery happy things that I associate with festivals. I am prepared to take shit for that last comment.

Christian: So as you’re watching the bands and enjoying the “festivities” you were taking notes the whole time?

Pat:  I see what you’re getting at, sneaky Pete! Don’t try to imply that by taking copious notes at a “festival” I was missing the opportunity to be “festive”. I was thoroughly enjoying the music, art and general laid back vibe while OCCASIONALLY taking out my pen and paper to jot down some ideas that might come in handy later and that I might otherwise forget. Honestly, Christian, do you think the experience of seeing Mavis Staples would be as sweet in my memory if I didn’t also remember the considerate smoker with the dread-headed toddler wearing a backpack in front of me?

I think of my note-taking as an act that ENRICHES an already rich and festive experience. What say you to THAT?

Christian: I guess that’s fine. The other festival attendees probably just thought you were with the press or something. Or maybe that you were a mute, and since you couldn’t shout “Yeahhhh Wooohoooo Yeahhhhhh!!!!” as the bands played, you just wrote it down and showed people.

Although, others may have been concerned that you might be some kind of terrorist taking notes about the location to plan your ultimate strike*. You probably noticed a lot of people trying to stay clear of you. This may be why.


*Dear any FBI agents who may have discovered our blog while doing internet searches for terrorist activity. I assure you we are just joking around here and are no way involved, nor support in any way, shape, or form, terrorism. But please also take note that it was Pat that was writing down information at that highly attended public festivity, and not me. What I’m trying to say is, he’s your guy.

Best 80's Movie?

One of our very first posts here at PCPPP was a heated debate on which song is the best 80’s song of all time. We were so young and naive back then when we wrote it. It seems like it was just a few months ago when in reality it was closer to 5 months ago.  

The post, which can be found HERE, started with me stating the obvious - A-ha’s “Take On Me” is the best 80’s song of all time. It then pretty much consisted of Pat’s feeble attempts at naming a better song with me rejecting them one by one. It was pretty enjoyable.

But I have to say picking the best 80’s movie isn't quite so easy. There are a lot of great 80’s movies that I would be content with calling the best but I don’t know if there is a clear cut winner. Basically what I’m saying is that there is no A-ha’s “Take On Me” 80’s movie.

Therefore, it is up to us to figure it out. The AFI just can’t be trusted with their underwhelming National Endowment of the Arts endorsement and their incompetent board of legendary film makers. I mean they picked “Citizen Kane” as the best movie of all time. Did you know that thing isn’t even in color? And that silly, and supposedly shocking, Rosebud ending was a total M. Night Shyamalan rip off.  

Also, Pat, since you get so hung up on “criteria for judging” let’s say we are looking for the best movie that came out in the 80’s, and just as importantly, represents the 80’s. So no picking movies like “Platoon” or “Blade Runner”, Pat.

Christian: I’ll start things off by suggesting the movie Better Off Dead. It’s a hilarious movie about teenagers who are having to deal with the embarrassments of teenage life, feelings of being outcasts, and parents that just don’t understand them. It stars John Cusack (totally 80’s!), has a great soundtrack (Van Halen rocks!), has great quotes (“I want my two dollars!”), and has a dancing hamburger (dancing hamburger!). What more could you ask for?

Or, if that one doesn’t do it for you, how about The Breakfast Club? It’s a hilarious movie about teenagers who are having to deal with the embarrassments of teenage life, feelings of being outcasts, and parents that just don’t understand them. It stars Molly Ringwald and Michael Anthony Hall (totally 80’s!), has a great soundtrack (Simple Minds rock!), has great quotes (“Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?”), and has a dancing Molly Ringwald (dancing Molly Ringwald!). What more could you ask for?

Pat:  Christian, I hope it is as apparent to you as it is to me how you tend to ask these questions that you already have answers to in your head. You asked for my vote for the best movie from a ten-year span, and then, in addition to ruling out two particular films, you basically limit my choices to two films, implying that if I don’t pick one of those films I am wrong. You play the “Best of...” game like Turkmenistani leaders play the “Democracy...” game (seriously, have you ever checked out ‘Turkmenbashi”? Dude was kinda’ out there... http://presidentniyazov.tripod.com/ ). It feels like you aren’t even really interested in my ideas. Rather you just want me to edify your own thoughts in order to help raise you to a level of glorification and prestige, all while standing on my shoulders. Seriously, it’s like you don’t even need me here except to say, every now and then, “Yeah!  Yeah! What Christian said! Yeah, Christian!”. It makes me feel small, very very small.

But, fine, I’ll play your game, but ONLY because I had a movie come to mind IMMEDIATELY when you posited the question-  Harold and Maude! It’s a hilarious movie about a young man who has to deal with the embarrassments and frustrations of post-teenage life, feelings of being an outcast, and parents who just don’t understand him. It stars Bud Cort and Ruth Gordon (totally in her 80’s!), has a great soundtrack (Cat Stevens rocks!), has great quotes (Harold: You sure have a way with people. Maude: Well, they're my species! ), and has a dancing Ruth Gordon (dancing Ruth Gordon!). What more could you ask for?  

Oh...it was made in 1971. Is that a problem?

Christian: Yes. Very much. You can argue other aspects of the judging criteria for best 80’s movie but the one I will not budge on is the requirement that it actually have been made during the 80’s.

And you have me all wrong on this “Best of” topic. Sure, for the Best 80’s Song debate I had the right answer. There’s no doubt about that. It was a slam dunk. But on this one, I truly don’t have thee answer. The two I suggested were just that, suggestions. By the way here’s another:

ET? It’s a hilarious movie about an ET who is having to deal with the embarrassments of crashing his spaceship on another planet, feelings of being an outcast, and parents of his human friends that just don’t understand them. It stars Drew Barrymore during her drug period (totally 80’s!), has a great soundtrack (Actually, was there music in it?), has great quotes (“ET phone home”), and has a dancing space monkey (dancing space monkey!). What more could you ask for?

So really, my goal for this post was to have us come to a common census as to what the best 80’s movie is. I think we can do it. And since you seem to have issues with the judging constraints we can get rid of the “having it represent the 80’s too”. There. Now you can suggest anything you want to as long as it was released in the 1980’s. You want to suggest Dark Crystal don’t you?  Go ahead. Suggest it.

Pat:  Dark Crystal was just weird and kinda’ creeped me out, so...no.  

Coupla’ things first. You said “a common census”  above. I don’t want to be one of those pretentious grammar police (did they have those in Bladerunner?), but what the hell does that mean? Did you mean “consensus”? If I have shamed you, I apologize and retract my critique. But if I have learned you something, well then sir, I wear that badge with pride!

Secondly...WAS THERE MUSIC IN ET? Hellooooooooooooo! Ever heard of Mr. JOHN WILLIAMS? I am not ashamed to say that I wore out the grooves on the 45 I had of the theme from ET. That song was amazing (even though I can’t even remember what it sounded like)! Please, Christian, don’t attempt to write unless you are fully present in the writing. I’m worried about you...you seem vacant. Everything okay?

Christian: Noooooo, I meant “a common census.”  Uhhhhh... in that I wanted there to be a common, or often reoccurring, count or survey of the population of people that are writing this blog to equal the amount of people that have an agreement as to what the best 80’s movie is. I can’t believe you didn’t understand that. It looks like the learneder has now become the learnedee.

(Pat in parentheses:  I don’t think that’s what he meant. And now he’s just getting sloppy and embarrassing, but I don’t have it in me to tell him)

As for there being music in ET - of course there was music in ET! I’m pretty sure that there is some kind of music-movie law that requires every third movie to be scored by John Williams but what I meant was that ET doesn’t have a soundtrack filled with music by popular 80’s bands. If you had just used your common census on this, that point would have been clear.

So yes I’m okay.

Pat: OK, so here’s a list of the films that came to mind after your cruel edict that 1971 is outside the realm of “‘80s Film”:

-Can’t Buy Me Love (McDreamy before he was cool, and filmed at my friend’s school in Tuscon)

-Beverly Hills Cop (C’mon...”Axel F” by Harold Faltermeyer? KILLER! I broke danced to that one a lot!)

-48 Hours (Eddie Murphy might be onto something here...)

-Pretty In Pink (I get reminded that I remind people of Duckie Dale too often to not mention this one. Plus, John Hughes kinda’ defined the ‘80s. That is, until Home Alone.)

-Chariots of Fire (I think this was my introduction to foreign film. And running.)

-An Officer and a Gentleman (My parent’s loved it. I hated it. Boooooooring! But, Richard Gere, Lou Gossett, Jr., Debra Winger with bad hair...kinda’ screams ‘80s)

-Iron Eagle (I have NO idea how this movie holds up, but I remember that at age 13 I thought film could get no more awesome! I think Lou Gossett, Jr. might be onto something here...)

-Top Gun (Okay, I only put this one in there because stream-of-consciousness writing made me go from Iron Eagle to jet planes, to more jet planes, to Anthony Edwards...and I didn’t like this one as much as everyone else, but you have to give it its due)

-I know they won’t count because of the time period in which they’re set, but both Dirty Dancing (never saw it...and still never seen it!  Can you believe it?!) and The Outsiders scream ‘80s to me.

-Ooh! Both of those last films reminded me of Patrick Swayze and C. Thomas Howell, which then reminded me of...RED DAWN! That movie scared the hell out of me! And made me really excited to go to high school, in that there I might be able to save the country from Soviet fashion!

-Rocky IV...I think I might have gotten myself into a Cold War mindset.

But I think you might be right with Breakfast Club. Still holds up, except for that outfit that Emilio is wearing. Ally Sheedy is awesome, as is Judd Nelson, and nothing screams ‘80s teen angst more than, “No dad...FUCK YOU!”

Christian: I actually do like your list, but I feel those are more honorable mentions (to which I would also like to add Back to the Future, Poltergeist, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Tootsie) than they are winners.  

The only other one that I can think of that I might consider ahead of The Breakfast Club is Sixteen Candles. Even though I don’t remember, I’m sure there is some good 80’s pop music in there and I’m sure Molly Ringwald dances at some point. So I’ll leave it up to you: Which is the best 80’s movie? The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles?

Pat:  I’m going to earn the “perv” award, but I’m going to just come out and say it (and apologize in advance to the adult Ms. Ringwald, who I’m sure is a wonderful and decent woman). “Breakfast Club” wins because there is an extended frame of Molly’s breasts as she applies lipstick without using her hands. It’s as close as teen dramas from that decade got to b-grade porn. That scene got me through a lot of difficult times.