Both Pat and I are big fans of zombie movies. Not like super hard-core nerding out fans like this guy:
No, we’re more just your typical fans, that really enjoy a good zombie movie and never pass up a chance to see one. Like this guy:
Definitely more like Pat and I.
So Pat, I have a question for you. Do you prefer your zombies to be more of the classical sense where they are slow moving and clumsy or do you prefer the more modern day zombies that seem to have Olympic qualifying running speed?
Keep in mind I’m talking about within the context of movies. If/when we are indeed taken over by zombies I’m pretty much assuming everyone is going to vote for the slow ones.
Pat: Well, I used to be fine with slow zombies, but I think once you’ve seen fast ones in a movie you can’t go back. It’s like the slow ones are the gateway zombies, and the fast ones are the little speedballs that you liquidate your kids’ college funds for, just to keep the high going. Sorry, kids.
So, yeah, I go for the fast ones. But in real life? Like you say, I’ll take slow...even immobile maybe, if we get to have a say in the matter. There was a fun run held earlier this year where you can pay to get chased by other runners dressed up as zombies. You got a three minute head-start, but the zombie runners were GOOD runners. No way...that’s fucking terrifying, even if it’s not real. I’ll settle for this guy instead:
When I catch you, which might be in awhile,
THEN I’ll eat your brains.
Christian: Really? You prefer your zombie movies to have fast moving zombies? Wow. You’re really taking this being wrong thing to a whole new level.
Come on, slow moving zombie movies is where it’s at. If they are going to be fast it might as well be a movie about a bunch of rabid gazelles. Who wants to watch that?
The thing that is so great about slow moving zombies is that the survivors can easily handle one or two of them and can escape them with ease. But you get a horde of them together then things get dicey. Just like if you were to come across a couple of spiders. No big deal right? But if you came across a thousand spiders all grouped together than that would be frightening! AHHHHHH!
Plus slow moving zombies makes more sense from a realistic point of view. I’m guessing your bones and muscles won’t quite be at a 100% after suffering from a death. So naturally you would be much slower and less coordinated than your living self. That’s just Biology 101.
Pat: That’s just fine by me, man. You go ahead and focus on those slow zombies, and then if the time comes (WHEN the time comes, I say) you go ahead and saunter through town avoiding all of those slow zombies, while I prepare to run my ass off because I know that their slowness is just a ploy to lure suckers like you in. Be prepared. Thank you, scout master!
By the way...I think you really have issues with points-of-view different from your own. Y’ever thought of that, or were you too busy laughing at the many ways that fast-zombie aficionados were wrong? You know what ALL zombies value? An open mind. Oh my god...I didn’t even mean for that to be such a good joke, but it WAS! Because zombies like brains. So they would LOVE an open mind! That was awesome! And you should still learn to appreciate other perspectives.
Christian: I do not have issues with points-of-view that are different from mine. I just have issues with wrong points-of-view. This blog is called Point Counter-Point Point Point, remember? It’s all about presenting and arguing different points-of-view on a topic so that people can learn about both sides of an issue, allowing them to make their own informative decision that you are wrong.
Also, don’t worry about me. I’m pretty sure I’m plenty prepared for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. But boy are you going to look foolish running around as fast as you can as they slowly meander about.
You’re going to unnecessarily tire yourself out, get a side ache, and then find yourself surrounded by a gaggle* of them. And as you try to catch your breath while being devoured, I’ll cruise by on my Segway, at a moderate pace, with not a worry in sight. I’ll probably be eating a nice snack too. Most likely a plate of some nice cheeses or something since I won’t need to worry about staying in shape with all these lethargic flesh eaters around.
Oh I’ll be prepared all right.
Pat: Like I said...that’s just fine by me! And, as a friend, I hope you’re right. I hope I work myself unnecessarily into a svelte gazelle-like physique while you fatten as you sup on gourmet deli items and fancy mustards.
BUT...there’s no way in hell that zombies, WHEN they attack, will be of the shambling variety. That’s exactly what they want us to believe! They convinced Romero to depict them that way, but I’m no fool--I know all about the corrupt Hollywood elite (hint: ZOMBIES!!).
* I don’t know if there is an official term for a group of zombies but “gaggle” seemed appropriate since being surrounded by a group of geese also scares me.