Thursday, July 5, 2012

Jesus Science Can't You Get Anything Right

As an adult, I’m a firm believer in always continuing your education. That’s why I pay very close attention to the books I read my three year old. There’s a lot to learn from those books. For example, according to the history book: “Oh, Say Can You Say Di-no-Saur?” written by Dr. Seuss - whose PHD appears to be untraceable, but we’ll still trust him - the famous dinosaur, Brontosaurus never actually existed!

It turns out that the Brontosaurus bones they “discovered” were actually bones from a dinosaur that had already been discovered years earlier named Apatosaurus. Apparently there was also some mix up with the heads so they actually had the look of the Brontosaurus wrong too. And it was on a US Stamp at one time. Way to go scientists.

In addition to having to update all of the paleontology books, they’re also going to have to re-edit all the Flintstone episodes to ensure they stay historically accurate.

 
With all those references to Brontosaurus burgers, The Flintstones is
now going to look like a historical joke.

And that’s not the only blunder these science types have made. Let us not forget about how our once beloved planet Pluto is not longer actually a planet, thanks to science trying to cover up its mistakes.

My question is; do we trust scientists too much? Sure, right now it’s only incorrect dinosaurs discoveries and planet classifications but what else have they got wrong? Maybe Stephen Hawking can talk. Maybe scotch in large quantities is actually good for you. Who's to say scientists didn’t get those things wrong too?

What do you think Pat?

(P.S. Another fun fact I learned from my son’s book is that paleontologists have found dinosaur bones in Antarctica which means dinosaurs even lived in the extreme weathers of the Antarctic. Man, those guys could survive anything!)

Pat: Sorry...I’m confused by the title. Is Jesus Science someone I should know about? Is one of those right wing evangelical organizations trying to sneak its way into kids’ literature again by saying that dinosaurs lived 7,000 years ago (and are still alive and well on top of Mount Ararat in Turkey, along with all of the other creatures from Noah’s Ark)?

Oh, wait...are you just having trouble with commas again? Now I get it.

Yeah, science can be a little wonky, but at least its stories are more believable than some of those religious tales. Did you know that the Hindu god Ganesha (you know, that normal fella with the head of an elephant) is the son of Shiva, but that he and Shiva ARE THE SAME AGE?!?! Explain THAT one to your kiddo.

I just heard today, too, that the whole thing about some particle in Switzerland that moved faster than the speed of light was really just a glitch in the cables. Whew!  Looks like we don’t have to reconfigure the known universe all over again after all!

Christian: I once thought I had accelerated a particle faster than the speed of light too but it turned out I just had the clock set wrong on my microwave. However the popcorn was delicious.

So are you saying we do trust science too much? Or not? Like always, you seem to be ignoring my question so that you can talk about elephant people.

Pat:  I once thought I had accelerated a particle faster than the speed of light, but it turns out it was just some yogurt that had turned. It passed soon enough.

What was your question?

Christian: YOU KNOW WHAT THE QUESTION IS! Why are you avoiding it? Is there some traumatic event that occurred in your childhood that involved science? Did science reject you in some way during your informative years? Or perhaps one of your parents had an affair with science? What happened? You can tell me. It’s just between you and me and the internet. Did science touch you in your special area?

Pat:  Okay, I gotcha’. But you know what I just found out? The Flintstones were modelled after the Honeymooners. Who knew? Crazy, huh!

Christian: I think that’s pretty common knowledge, Pat. You never noticed that Barney Rubble’s voice sounded a lot like Ed Norton’s?

Anyways, I don’t know what science did to you but since you are unwilling to answer the question I guess I’ll have to:

Do we trust science too much?

No.

Science has given us heated swimming pools and tacos wrapped in gorditas. Without it we would be lost. Literally, because it also gave us GPS. Sure it may get somethings wrong every now and then, but who doesn’t make the occasional mistake? I for one accidentally stole a bunch of liquor from the liquor store earlier today, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to drink it.

What I’m saying is, science has given us a lot so we need to take the good with the bad even if the bad involves touching you inappropriately.

QED

26 comments:

  1. Such an insightful and critical analysis. Thanks for thoroughly exploring the real nature of Science...to constantly screw things up even if it works sometimes.

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    1. Well as those great philosophers Jo, Blaire, Natalie, and Tootie used to say "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have, the facts of life."

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  2. Thanks to science, we also have the cliche "We can put a man on the moon but we can't (blank)?"

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    1. I know. If we can come up with the "We can put a man on the moon but we can't (blank)?" cliche why can't we get these dinosaur species correct?

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  3. So IS there still such a thing as a Brontosaurus? I don't have access to anything other than this blog to find out the answer, science hasn't solved that problem yet.

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    1. Nope. No such thing as a Brontosaurus anymore. I know, first Milli Vanilli and now this.

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    2. I'm gonna blame it on the rain. And science.

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    3. Yes you can blame it on the rain, but if the 80's have taught me anything, it's that you blind people with science.

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  4. Carrie, if that's true, then I have to, in good conscience as a scientist, steer you away form our blog. Christian and I are more akin to Anthony Michael Hall and that other guy from Weird Science than we are Stephen Hawking and that other guy from "NOVA". All of their experiments end up in breakthroughs. All of our experiments--we can only hope--end up in bigger boobs on women who find us really hot!

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  5. Whew, so to be clear there WAS a Bronto?
    Did you know Jackie Gleason wanted to sue Hanna Barbara for copying the Honeymooners, but his agent warned him off. The cartoon was already popular and he didn't want Jackie to be the "guy who killed fred flintstone."
    Wow the stuff I wish I could replace in my head with useful stuff...

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    1. Nope no Brontosaurus anymore. So you should remove all knowledge of it from your head so you can make more room for more cool facts about famous cartoons.

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  6. I really identify with Shiva, in that sometimes I feel like I was born pregnant. Also, if science gave us bathroom scales then it can go suck an egg.

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    1. Oh yeah I forgot about all the bad things science has given us like alarm clocks and sugar-free Applejacks.

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  7. I am a firm believer in Science and if it touches you in your special place then I think that just makes it all the more special.

    It's a true fact that the only reason I know the element name (thingy) for gold is because of Tootie. Those girls were way ahead of their time.

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    1. "...and if it touches you in your special place then I think that just makes it all the more special."

      OK, that just made me spit up bit of my Dr. Pepper. If only science could make non-spitable Dr. Pepper.

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    2. Christian, I've told you how I feel about the Dr. Pepper dribble stains. They make it really hard to be seen in public with you. Seriously, man...DECORUM!

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  8. OMG, I just came by to give advice about investing in Poodles for television-- who knew that I would laugh so much? Is this how all your posts are structured: You Vs. Your Alter Navy Seal Ego? Because if yes, I am coming back to read more, and soon!

    great post!!!

    best,
    MOV
    ps-- and I *was* traumatized by Science at a young age (and continue to be today-- how do the strawberries turn fuzzy if I forget about them in the fridge?? is that a science thing or a dinosaur thing?)

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    1. Yes this is pretty much how all of our posts go. Although Pat really isn't my alter-ego, he's actually a real person. But don't tell him that.

      P.S. Still waiting on that Poodles for television info.

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    2. I'm still a bit perplexed about the whole poodles on TV thing. Am I high?

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  9. I think I might have accidentally learned something on your blog! I have been asking for years "where did Brontosaurus go and who is this stupid Apotolosaurus?" If the facts Dr. Seuss presented are real then you just filled a gaping hole in my dinosaur knowledge. I will thank you in prayers to the Gods Shiva and Ganesha.

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    1. We deeply apologize for the learning. Believe me that wasn't our intention. I have verified Dr. Seuss's facts and it turns out they are indeed valid.

      P.S. Say "Wassuuuup?" to Ganesha for me.

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  10. Did science touch you in your special area? I spit out my morning coffee when I read that! I'm visiting from Kelley's Break Room and I'm having a good time at your blog. You're a gifted writer with a razor-sharp wit, and I know I'll come back for more. I hope you'll visit me sometime at Chubby Chatterbox. I think we might have a lot in common. If you visit, I hope you'll take a moment to press the Join button and I'll return the favor. Take care.

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    1. Thanks for the kind words! Any visitor from Kelley's Breakroom is a great visitor.

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