Thursday, November 21, 2013

Manly Bucket List

As many of you may or may not know the current month is November. Honest. And every November is the month of Movember. Unfamiliar with Movember? Well Movember is a movement to help raise awareness and funds for men’s health to fight prostate and testicular cancer amongst other things.

Typically how it works is men can register at the Movember website and declare that they are going to grow a mustache for the entire month to help raise money and awareness. It’s a fun way to help out a great cause.

Which neither Pat nor I are doing. But not because it’s not a great cause.

First off Pat already has a beard right now so I don’t know how that’s supposed to work and I pretty much grow a mustache every day which needs to be shaved before going to bed otherwise there isn’t enough room in the bed for my wife, myself, and my mustache. Think Tom Selleck multiplied by that other dude from Hall and Oates. No not Hall. The other dude.

But another thing that is currently going around the internet to help support Movember is the Manly Bucket List. The idea being that you do a blog post listing five manly things that you want to do in November or at least before you die. Pat and I can both count to five so this is right up our alley.

Amy from Kid-Free Living is the one that turned us onto to this so please go see her list too. Yes women can also have manly bucket lists.

I’ll start.

Christian: I decided to list things I want to accomplish in my lifetime instead of in the month of November since I’m way too busy right now to get anything done. This also makes it easier since I already have a bucket list of things I want to do before I die. Plus I’m a man so by default they are manly.

The only downside was that there are only two items in my current bucket list so I had to add three more. Here they are:

1. Visit every continent in the world (Including Antarctica).
2. Visit every state in the US.
3. Do the running of the bulls in the opposite direction.
4. Rescue a half a dozen people from atop Mt Everest without using any sunscreen.
5. Bedsex me lady underneath a grand waterfall as a chorus of trumpeteers are heard off in the distance.

Your turn Pat.

Pat: Dammit, I think I did it wrong again. When you mentioned that we need to do our manly bucket list things before the end of November, I thought you meant we needed to actually DO them...not just write about them.  

So I went ahead and did them, and have spent the last week wondering just what in the hell I plan on doing with my life NOW. I’m all down for men’s health, man, but they need to think about the resulting ennui and malaise and other depressing French things that come after doing everything you wanted to do with your life.

To be honest, they weren’t really that manly or that buckety. Here they are:

-I bought a drywall repair kit at the hardware store. Don’t assume I know what to do with it.
-I trimmed my beard. Twice.
-I sweated. A lot. Man sweat.*
-I chopped wood. A lot of wood. Into kindling. Kindling has been scientifically proven to be the smallest and most precise--and therefore manly--size of wood you can hew with an ax. And I did it!
-I continued to pay taxes and toil daily in order to provide for my family and stay up-to-date on my mortgage.

I know. Not too impressive.  

Okay, so I need another list, huh? No problem...I can do this. Five things I’m going to do with all of my testosterone-driven, prostrate-inspired, testicularly-fueled manly power before I die include:

1.  Go places and traverse them on foot--at least partly--in order to discover for myself and possibly the rest of humankind, the lesser known wonders of the world. Places like the hydrangea covered hills of the Azores. Places like the salmon-stuffed streams of the Kamchatka Peninsula (and, NO, I was not a RISK dork in college!). Places like the great rhododendron forests of Bhutan. Places like the dizzying food-courts of the Mall of America of Minnesota.
2.  Kill something and then eat it. Preferably something more challenging and filling than a rutabaga, trout or game hen.
3.  Run for something and get elected by a wide margin and fulfill most of my campaign promises.
4.  Build a house.
5.  Bedsex me lady underneath a grand waterfall as a chorus of trumpeteers are heard off in the distance, while a couple doing the very same thing looks over at us with eyes that say, “Man, they REALLY know how to do that!”

How’s that sound?

*This occurred mostly after activities like running or chopping wood, but to be honest, it tends to happen even when I’m just sitting still. Guess I’m a bit of a perspirer.

45 comments:

  1. I usually do something for Movember but work got in the way this time. But I still offer my catch-phrase in support of prostate cancer awareness: Men, get a finger in your butt!
    Pat, unfortunately, I don't think you can do #3. Once you get elected you're in the cabal, they attach the strings to you and work you like a marionette. (I should have said stick their hand up your posterior and work you like a puppet, just to keep the prostate theme going.)
    So you two would be bed sexing at the same time? Please don't high-five in the middle of the act.

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    Replies
    1. No high fiving. It would be more like we were in a Mentos commercial.

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    2. Can we high-five when I'm about to be inducted, via "democracy", into the great mysterious and secretive cabal?

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  2. You might want to think twice about #3.

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    Replies
    1. #3 Running with the bulls in the opposite directions or #3 running for office. Wait I see. Pat should run for office in the opposite directions. Genius!

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    2. Already done that! Polls show that I'm currently losing favor with people who have not yet elected me to anything.

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  3. My mustache is coming in quite nicely, so I don't feel guilty for not running the wrong way with the bulls...

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    Replies
    1. But in all seriousness, is there really a right way to run with the bulls?

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    2. Keep them in front of you and cheer them on from behind?

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  4. Christian, you can knock off part of 2 and all of 5 just by visiting us here in Colorado. We have Seven Falls, aka seven consecutive waterfalls, and they're illuminated by colorful lights at night. If that isn't bedsex worthy, I don't know what is. You bring the trumpets, we'll bring the beers to toast you after.

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    1. Dammit, why didn't I know about these illuminated waterfalls until now. Me lady an I have visited Denver before. We had to settle for bedsexing during the Denver Mint tour.

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  5. Hahaha awesome. Reading about all that bedsexing though is making me hungry. My November I am a) surviving the first blizzard of winter, b) drinking a lot of coffee, c) reading blogs instead of working on some art prints I'm making, d) wearing a too big, too faded Star Wars t-shirt and some really attractive slippers. You're welcome! No wait...you're insane. That's it. INSANE.

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    Replies
    1. E) All of the above. Did I get it right? That was a quiz right?

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    2. Am I an asshole for feeling like I have never seen, in my entire life, an attractive pair of slippers?

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  6. Pat, #1 is a bit pointless when you can explore it all on Google Earth. Just the other day I ventured into deepest darkest Peru. That way, you don't get as sweaty.

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    1. And I get really nauseous. Really. Tried it the other day and had to lay down for about an hour and drink some ginger ale. Easier to just travel there.

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  7. Wait... is it or is it not true that only a RISK dork would understand that reference?
    And I think Christian's lady is going to be looking at you funny from now on.

    Thanks for participating guys! VERY manly!

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    1. I didn't get the reference so I guess that means I'm officially not a RISK dork. *updates linkedin profile*

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    2. NOT TRUE! If I was REALLY a RISK dork, I would have proved my cred by saying I wanted to visit Australia in order to take it over...and then the world!!!!!

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  8. Love your list! Thanks for helping to raise awareness of Movember!!

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    1. Anytime we can add to the thoughtful depth of the internet! Happy to help!

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  9. Seems you'll both be bringing new meaning to the "wet dream" & "waterbed." That's very manly. Happy Movember.

    xoRobyn

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    1. We were this close to naming our blog "Waterbed Dream".

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    2. Again...the motion sickness thing. Can't do it. Need to go lay down. Ginger ale.

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  10. Let's not forget that when bedsexing to a chorus of trumpeteers (or to any other kind of music, for that matter) one runs the risk of unconsciously following the rhythm. This isn't always a bad thing... until someone decides to break out into a rendition of "Flight of the Bumblebee."

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    Replies
    1. You never fail to continually deliver sage advice Vinny.

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    2. Yeah...I prefer any of the recordings of "Space" on the Dick's Picks Dead bootleg series. 'Cause then I can take a good 20 minute nap right in the middle.

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  11. I am inspired by you guys my supe rmanly bucket list includes:

    - going a whole month without injuring myself or having to see the doctor

    ...hm that's it, I need to have bigger dreams I think.

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    Replies
    1. It's good to start small with obtainable list items. Then you can move up to stuff like going a whole month without injuring your doctor and so on.

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  12. Wow, you've impressed me...I figured all manly bucket lists would include a trip to Hooters.

    Let's see, my manly bucket list? I would go wrestle something and then burp and fart and adjust myself in public, all with pride! Can't think of a fifth, cause I definitely don't want to go to Hooters. I guess I'm just not manly enough!

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    1. I've never been to Hooters and have no desire to go either. Barbecued owl just sounds horrible.

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  13. My job decided to ban mustaches on the eve of bring-your-child-to-work day. Actually I lied, my job has never allowed facial hair, but I'm more than willing to make up a bucket list. Hmm...
    1) Fill bucket with water.
    2) Empty bucket of water.
    I got this.

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    Replies
    1. But you are missing out on so much in life. There's also "Carry bucket of water" and "Look at bucket of water".

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    2. "Pee in bucket of water"

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  14. Trumpeteers have to be in the distance? You two are pretty shy for being willing to bedsex out in the open.

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    Replies
    1. Christian impaled a flautist one time while practicing. Kind of scarred him.

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  15. How very inspiring. The only things on my bucket list are 1. Graduate from college with my sanity mostly intact. 2. Go to England.

    That's it. Less impressive, but still buckety, right? :)

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    1. Nothing wrong with that list. And if you wanted to manly it up you could go to England to drink beer and get your degree in chopping wood.

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    2. And remind them that we still stand by our revolution. Say it to their face. Real loud and American like. That's pretty manly. Then burn your diploma in front of them like it's the Magna Carta.

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  16. 5. Bedsex me lady underneath a grand waterfall as a chorus of trumpeteers are heard off in the distance, while a couple doing the very same thing looks over at us with eyes that say, “Man, they REALLY know how to do that!” <-- HAHAHAHA I just died laughing

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