Thursday, January 16, 2014

Muppets for Counter-Points: The Interview

Today is a PCPPP first! Our first interview! With a human! Our friend Addman from the blog Muppets for Justice has recently published his first e-book and is doing a blog tour to promote it. And today his tour stops here!

Addman

We wanted to do an interview with him but he lives in England which according to Wikipedia is no longer part of the United States, which means it’s foreign. In days of yore (<-- English word) this would have presented quite the problem. But thanks to today’s internet, communication problems are a thing of the past, just like the common cold.

Therefore, we suggested he fly to Portland and check into a hotel that offers free wi-fi so that he could e-mail back and forth with us. But he assured us that they have e-mail in the UK too, so he decided to just stay there and answer our questions. Fine. No hipster donuts for you, Addman!

Before we start, we should mention that since we have never done an interview before we had to do some internet researching beforehand to get some guidance.

OK. Let’s go. First question:

Christian: Why should we hire you?

Addman: Although I lack any relevant qualifications or experience, I do have other characteristics that make me an essential employee. I bring a certain sexiness to any office situation, what with my short skirts and pouting lips. You won't regret it.

Christian: And what did you like or dislike about your previous job?

Addman: Bob, mainly.

Christian: Well I’m sold. I think we should hire him. What do you think Pat? We really need someone to replace that idiot that keeps messing up my lunch order.

Pat: First off, that guy doesn’t actually work for us. He works for Subway, making sandwiches. Underpaid, too. Poor guy.

Wait...what kind of interview are we doing here. Step aside, friend. I’ve got my own questions.

Is there a Sesame Street where you live? Do the people there speak with British accents? Oh, and by the way...we call the way you speak an “accent”.

Addman: You guys know of the stereotypical "British Accent", but the fact is that Britain is full of different accents. Linguists reckon that if you travel ten miles in any direction, you come across a new accent. Accents include Georgies, Cockneys, Brummies, Yorkshire, Scouse, Manc, Cornish, and that's to mention Scottish, Welsh and Irish with all their permutations. Bet you feel bad for using such a poor stereotype now.

Oh and, we just get the same Sesame Street as you.

Christian: You forgot Australian and Canadian on that list too, hot shot. Where, exactly, are you from? We prefer coordinates.

Addman: I live in England, specifically in the midlands. Think of it like The Shire in Lord Of The Rings, only with a pasty shop and a tesco packed inbetween each house.

Pat: Pasty? I think you forgot an important letter. We put pasties on boobies here. We put PASTRIES in our mouths. Well...I suppose some people might put boobies in...never mind. So do you have Muppets in England? Do they really fight crime?

Addman: Our muppets aren't really muppets at all, but are roving automatons which stalk the landscape and attempt to eradicate life wherever they find it. Tickle Me Elmo toys are highly feared in our society.

Pat:  So...pretty much the same as here, then?

Christian: From England, huh? I’m assuming that means you are British. When did you realize you were British?  Does your family know?  Did they accept you?

Addman: I first came out as British in my teens, when I found myself standing in a queue for no apparent reason. My parents had always suspected since I tended to complain about the weather on a frequent basis. They were remarkably supportitive about the whole thing.

Pat: That’s nice. Supportitting our teens is important. So...is Kermit the captain of the Muppets? Wait...do you have Kermit in England? You do know that the Muppets are American, right?

Addman: You inflicted this living hell upon us? Kermit is a highly feared leader of the muppets. To utter his name is too unspeakable to speak of. We just call him "He-Who-Is-Green".

Christian: Pat, enough with the questions about the Muppets already. It’s just the name of his blog.

Pat:  Beg to differ, buddy. Plenty of peace accords have been wrought over a nice conversation about friendly puppets. Do your muppets have genitalia?

Addman: Yes, and I have photographic evidence, although I'm not at liberty to let you see.

Christian: Jesus Pat, when did you develop this Muppet obsession?

Pat: So Addman, do you actually interact with the English Muppets? Hey! That sounds a lot like “English muffins”--do you have those too? I bet you just call them muffins. Did you know that, unlike yours, our muffins have very different tops and bottoms. All due respect, but your muffins are kind of boring.

Addman: Do you really want to start a trans-atlantic war with an Englishman over bread products? We've fought an internal struggle for years over what to call a bread cob. You will lose.

Pat:  What the hell is a bread cob? Does your bread grow on stalks like our corn does?

Addman: You disgusting heathen. If I didn't need you to promote my book, this interview would be over!

Christian: Pat, I think bread cob is an English religious thing. Not polite to ask about them. We better change topics. What are some of your favorite blogs?

Addman: Well, your Blog is one of my favourites. I love the debating style and rapport that you two have, and you always seem to come at a topic from a viewpoint that I've never considered. Other than you guys, I like the pure comedy of Chiz Chat, the thoughtless gibberish of Thoughtless Gibberish, the madness of The Diary Of Rob Z Tobor, and not forgetting the Beer For The Shower boys. All have influenced me more than I'll ever pay them for.

Christian: Oooh, wrong answer. Close though. The correct answer was just us.

Just us.

Pat: Is British humor as popular there as it is here?

Addman: In all honesty, no it's not. Our TV is painfully lacking in decent humour or satire at the moment. You guys actually make the best comedies right now, yet you don't seem to realise it.

Christian: You mean like Three’s Company and Alf? Classics.

Pat:  Christian, why does he keep putting ‘u’s where they doun’t beloung?  Do you knouw?

Christian:  I don’t. I think it’s another one of those “bread cob” type things that you aren’t supposed to talk about, so don’t say anything to offend him.

Addman, why did you start blogging? You know that blogs are American, right?

Addman: We do a lot of American things here. For example, we eat McDonalds when we can't be arsed to make a Sunday lunch.

Pat:  Do you know Nigella Lawson? Do you know the naked chef?

Addman:  Nope. Do you know Ethan Hawke?

Pat:  Funny you should ask. I was actually just hanging out with him last night.

The gang.

Christian: Moving on. Can you tell us about your book?

Addman: Well since that's why we're here, yes. It's a collection of my favourite posts handpicked from my Blog, Muppets For Justice, but with loads of new stuff thrown in for good measure. Consider it to be a greatest hits album with all the best tracks, plus some unusual B sides and original works. If you're still not convinced, it's cheap, so there's that too.

Christian: I’m sorry I was talking to Pat.

Pat: Oh, thanks for asking. I’m reading Kermit Culture: Critical Perspectives on Jim Henson’s Muppets, a great collection edited by Jennifer C. Garlen and Anissa M. Graham.

Christian: I see. We should probably wrap things up here. Pat is there anything else you wanted to ask him?

Pat: Yeah. What do you want to know about us?

Addman: As a long time reader, I was wondering if you both ever reached for the same item at the same time and ever brushed each other's hands? Even though it was purely innocent and accidental, did you pull your hands away quickly and spend the rest of the day talking in a deep voice to reaffirm your manliness?

Christian: There probably isn’t a day that goes by that this doesn’t happen.

Pat:  And Christian will never say it, but it is beautiful and awesome!

Christian: I have one final question. Where do see yourself in five years? In June.

Addman: Printing out my own eBook over and over, to lie on top of a pile of them like a washed up idiot.

Pat:  WRONG! You forgot to mention that you’re breathing, probably still spinning yarns (<--British-ism) about Muppets, and likely still British! Ha ha. Sucker!


Well I think we totally won this interview. Sorry Addman, but better luck next time. However we would like to thank you for participating in the interview and being nice enough to translate all your answers into English before sending them to us.


Be sure to check out his new book!


For those of us in the US you can find it here. But apparently there is a different Amazon in the UK (they do know Amazon is American, right?). So for those of you over there you can get it over here.

And be sure to go follow his blog too at Muppets for Justice. It’s very good and very funny. You won’t be sorry.

34 comments:

  1. READER REVIEW: I laughed, I cried, I made those inappropriate stifled laugh, snorting sounds whenever a coworker passed by my cubicle. Best. Interview. Ever! Pat & Christian shine in their first ever interview, while newcomer, Addman provides well timed comedic backup. FIVE STARS!

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  2. I would have asked this question:

    "You know those critical scenes in Doctor Who where the Doctor is explaining how he is going to avoid the imminent destruction of the universe? Usually, it's a let-down from the rest of the episode, so they have him explain it very, very quickly in a heavy accent that we American audiences can't understand - so we never realize what a terribly dumb idea it is. My question is, being from the UK, can you understand that part?"

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    1. They're just trolling the international community. He's actually just saying random strings of words that don't make any coherent sense. Because he says them in a fashion that no one outside England can understand, everyone thinks it's very clever.

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    2. I always assumed it had something to do with English bread.

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  3. This is the best interview I've ever read. Now I'll blow the competition out of the water at my county's Annual English Breads and Sesame Street Trivia Tournament. And, thanks for the shout out, Addman.

    Also, the post labels are quite amusing in and of themselves.

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    1. Plan on seeing me at the English Breads and Sesame Street Trivia Tournament Nationals. I'm going to take you down!

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  4. Actually, my spelling of pasty was correct. A pasty is a savoury baked pastry, usually containing meat and potatoes. Of all the things to take umbridge with in this interview, and I chose pasties.

    Seriously though, thank you for inviting me onto your imcredibly Blog. Now, Pat, can we just elbow Christian out somehow? We'll take him on a long drive and just abandon him in the wilderness somewhere. He'll be fine.

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    Replies
    1. But then you'd have to change the name to "Pointe, Counter Pointe Pointe Pointe".

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    2. I do like the outdoors. And Pickelope wouldn't it be "Pouinte, Counter Pouinte Pouinte Pouinte"

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  5. But what is bread cob??? I must know! Okay, hold on while I Google it.

    Huh. It's just a roll. That was a huge disappointment.

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    1. SPOILER ALERT! Dang! I didn't want to know. I was hoping to just leave it up to my imagination. Although in my imagination it was just a roll too.

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  6. Very funny gentlemen. Totally made me laugh out loud. One thing though, Christian- you know that my family owned a pasty restaurant when I was a kid. Why didn't you drop some knowledge on these fools?

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    1. I did know that. In fact I knew it so much I forgot it. Damn this expired medication.

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  7. But really, what's a bread cob? I realize I am asking that question on the internet, the very medium where I could simply seek out the answer myself rendering this comment useless, but why not prove my Americanity by being super lazy and obnoxious?

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    1. Kianwi did the work for us a couple comments up. Weird. I had always thought Kianwi was American too. Guess not.

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  8. Who says that interviews in print don't have the pizzaz of broadcast interviews?

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  9. Hello Mr Addman . . . . Well I have not been here before are these folk American, I met an American once he seemed OK . . . Well mostly OK. He had some fool hardy idea about driving on the wrong side of the road, which I sort of thought was OK at first but not in London.

    They seem like nice folk I may do a sneaky follow just to keep an eye on them. When I say eye on them I am not planning to put my eye on them as I need it myself it is yet another stupid saying.

    I saw a alien spacecraft last night by the way, but for reasons I can talk about I cant tell you I saw it. . . . . .

    Well done Mr Addman keep up the good work see you back in Blighty . . . OOOOooooo and well done other chaps who ever you are?

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    1. Welcome Mr. Tobor. Thank you for stopping by. Someone once dared me to drive on the wrong side of the road so I tried but ended up on the correct side. Fortunately though I was in the Australia so it turned out wrong and everything was fine.

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  10. I love the Scottish accent from Edinburgh but get away with the brommie one!!

    You seem to have all the good stuff in America... Send smores I don't know what it is but it sounds good!!

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    Replies
    1. A lot of people love smores but I'm not a big fan. Plus growing smore trees is really expensive.

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  11. When you guys get your own talk show, don't forget us little old blog followers! Excellent interview!

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  12. Geez! You two are more relentless than Alex Trebek, pelting that poor Englishman with questions like that! He seemed to hold up pretty well, though, keeping his handlebar moustache and monocle properly in place and British-ish. Well done, Addman, good Sir! Stiff upper lip, and all that. (What does that even mean, anyway? I always assumed it had to do with not being a sniveling crybaby, but I could be wrong...)

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    1. I bet Pat and I could beat up Alex Trebek too if/when it came to that.

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  13. Woo, thanks for the shout out! It's always nice to hear that more than just my kooky aunt enjoys visiting our page.

    Also, as two guys, that awkward hand brushing thing happens a lot. And no matter how much it happens, it never gets any less awkward. Especially if eye contact was made.

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    1. At least it's not as awkward as when our penises accidentally touch.

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  14. ummmmmmmmmmm, what's a kindle? is there a real book with pages I could read?
    (and Kermit is my FAVE. I also love the judges and that Swedish chef guy)

    xxo
    MOV

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    1. I always related to Gonzo. I mean I always liked Gonzo. Liked Gonzo.

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  15. You guys are quite the trio. I'm laughing at Addman's question about your hands accidentally brushing each others.

    Thankfully, Addman didn't display pictures of the muppets genitlia. I just ate lunch and all.

    xoRobyn

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    1. Hands accidentally brushing each other amongst guys is a serious issue. Right along with Slurpee flavoring shortages and feline ibuprofen addiction. Please don't laugh.

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  16. How could I not trust a recommendation from guys who reference Three's Comany and Alf??

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