Today is a PCPPP first! Our first interview! With a human! Our friend Addman from the blogMuppets for Justice has recently published his first e-book and is doing a blog tour to promote it. And today his tour stops here!
We wanted to do an interview with him but he lives in England which according to Wikipedia is no longer part of the United States, which means it’s foreign. In days of yore (<-- English word) this would have presented quite the problem. But thanks to today’s internet, communication problems are a thing of the past, just like the common cold.
Therefore, we suggested he fly to Portland and check into a hotel that offers free wi-fi so that he could e-mail back and forth with us. But he assured us that they have e-mail in the UK too, so he decided to just stay there and answer our questions. Fine. No hipster donuts for you, Addman!
Before we start, we should mention that since we have never done an interview before we had to do some internet researching beforehand to get some guidance.
OK. Let’s go. First question:
Christian: Why should we hire you?
Addman: Although I lack any relevant qualifications or experience, I do have other characteristics that make me an essential employee. I bring a certain sexiness to any office situation, what with my short skirts and pouting lips. You won't regret it.
Christian: And what did you like or dislike about your previous job?
Addman: Bob, mainly.
Christian: Well I’m sold. I think we should hire him. What do you think Pat? We really need someone to replace that idiot that keeps messing up my lunch order.
Pat: First off, that guy doesn’t actually work for us. He works for Subway, making sandwiches. Underpaid, too. Poor guy.
Wait...what kind of interview are we doing here. Step aside, friend. I’ve got my own questions.
Is there a Sesame Street where you live? Do the people there speak with British accents? Oh, and by the way...we call the way you speak an “accent”.
Addman: You guys know of the stereotypical "British Accent", but the fact is that Britain is full of different accents. Linguists reckon that if you travel ten miles in any direction, you come across a new accent. Accents include Georgies, Cockneys, Brummies, Yorkshire, Scouse, Manc, Cornish, and that's to mention Scottish, Welsh and Irish with all their permutations. Bet you feel bad for using such a poor stereotype now.
Oh and, we just get the same Sesame Street as you.
Christian: You forgot Australian and Canadian on that list too, hot shot. Where, exactly, are you from? We prefer coordinates.
Addman: I live in England, specifically in the midlands. Think of it like The Shire in Lord Of The Rings, only with a pasty shop and a tesco packed inbetween each house.
Pat: Pasty? I think you forgot an important letter. We put pasties on boobies here. We put PASTRIES in our mouths. Well...I suppose some people might put boobies in...never mind. So do you have Muppets in England? Do they really fight crime?
Addman: Our muppets aren't really muppets at all, but are roving automatons which stalk the landscape and attempt to eradicate life wherever they find it. Tickle Me Elmo toys are highly feared in our society.
Pat: So...pretty much the same as here, then?
Christian: From England, huh? I’m assuming that means you are British. When did you realize you were British? Does your family know? Did they accept you?
Addman: I first came out as British in my teens, when I found myself standing in a queue for no apparent reason. My parents had always suspected since I tended to complain about the weather on a frequent basis. They were remarkably supportitive about the whole thing.
Pat: That’s nice. Supportitting our teens is important. So...is Kermit the captain of the Muppets? Wait...do you have Kermit in England? You do know that the Muppets are American, right?
Addman: You inflicted this living hell upon us? Kermit is a highly feared leader of the muppets. To utter his name is too unspeakable to speak of. We just call him "He-Who-Is-Green".
Christian: Pat, enough with the questions about the Muppets already. It’s just the name of his blog.
Pat: Beg to differ, buddy. Plenty of peace accords have been wrought over a nice conversation about friendly puppets. Do your muppets have genitalia?
Addman: Yes, and I have photographic evidence, although I'm not at liberty to let you see.
Christian: Jesus Pat, when did you develop this Muppet obsession?
Pat: So Addman, do you actually interact with the English Muppets? Hey! That sounds a lot like “English muffins”--do you have those too? I bet you just call them muffins. Did you know that, unlike yours, our muffins have very different tops and bottoms. All due respect, but your muffins are kind of boring.
Addman: Do you really want to start a trans-atlantic war with an Englishman over bread products? We've fought an internal struggle for years over what to call a bread cob. You will lose.
Pat: What the hell is a bread cob? Does your bread grow on stalks like our corn does?
Addman: You disgusting heathen. If I didn't need you to promote my book, this interview would be over!
Christian: Pat, I think bread cob is an English religious thing. Not polite to ask about them. We better change topics. What are some of your favorite blogs?
Addman: Well, your Blog is one of my favourites. I love the debating style and rapport that you two have, and you always seem to come at a topic from a viewpoint that I've never considered. Other than you guys, I like the pure comedy of Chiz Chat, the thoughtless gibberish of Thoughtless Gibberish, the madness of The Diary Of Rob Z Tobor, and not forgetting the Beer For The Shower boys. All have influenced me more than I'll ever pay them for.
Christian: Oooh, wrong answer. Close though. The correct answer was just us.
Pat: Is British humor as popular there as it is here?
Addman: In all honesty, no it's not. Our TV is painfully lacking in decent humour or satire at the moment. You guys actually make the best comedies right now, yet you don't seem to realise it.
Christian: You mean like Three’s Company and Alf? Classics.
Pat: Christian, why does he keep putting ‘u’s where they doun’t beloung? Do you knouw?
Christian: I don’t. I think it’s another one of those “bread cob” type things that you aren’t supposed to talk about, so don’t say anything to offend him.
Addman, why did you start blogging? You know that blogs are American, right?
Addman: We do a lot of American things here. For example, we eat McDonalds when we can't be arsed to make a Sunday lunch.
Pat: Do you know Nigella Lawson? Do you know the naked chef?
Addman: Nope. Do you know Ethan Hawke?
Pat: Funny you should ask. I was actually just hanging out with him last night.
Christian: Moving on. Can you tell us about your book?
Addman: Well since that's why we're here, yes. It's a collection of my favourite posts handpicked from my Blog, Muppets For Justice, but with loads of new stuff thrown in for good measure. Consider it to be a greatest hits album with all the best tracks, plus some unusual B sides and original works. If you're still not convinced, it's cheap, so there's that too.
Christian: I’m sorry I was talking to Pat.
Pat: Oh, thanks for asking. I’m reading Kermit Culture: Critical Perspectives on Jim Henson’s Muppets, a great collection edited by Jennifer C. Garlen and Anissa M. Graham.
Christian: I see. We should probably wrap things up here. Pat is there anything else you wanted to ask him?
Pat: Yeah. What do you want to know about us?
Addman: As a long time reader, I was wondering if you both ever reached for the same item at the same time and ever brushed each other's hands? Even though it was purely innocent and accidental, did you pull your hands away quickly and spend the rest of the day talking in a deep voice to reaffirm your manliness?
Christian: There probably isn’t a day that goes by that this doesn’t happen.
Pat: And Christian will never say it, but it is beautiful and awesome!
Christian: I have one final question. Where do see yourself in five years? In June.
Addman: Printing out my own eBook over and over, to lie on top of a pile of them like a washed up idiot.
Pat: WRONG! You forgot to mention that you’re breathing, probably still spinning yarns (<--British-ism) about Muppets, and likely still British! Ha ha. Sucker!
Well I think we totally won this interview. Sorry Addman, but better luck next time. However we would like to thank you for participating in the interview and being nice enough to translate all your answers into English before sending them to us.
Be sure to check out his new book!
For those of us in the US you can find it here. But apparently there is a different Amazon in the UK (they do know Amazon is American, right?). So for those of you over there you can get it over here.
And be sure to go follow his blog too at Muppets for Justice. It’s very good and very funny. You won’t be sorry.