Thursday, January 9, 2014

Favorite Word?

You know me, Christian. I’m not one to indulge forays into the land of “favorites”. Thus my reticence to take part in your questions about best:

(I think at this point it merits pointing out that we can all clearly see that Christian is having trouble aging and acknowledging that we’re no longer living in the three-decades-old decade.)
-Job

Yeah...usually I try to avoid your “best” games, only to be badgered and harassed (by you) until I play your game only to find out that, regardless what I say I end up losing. Whatever.

But now things have changed! Know why?

For as long as I can remember, I have stood by my assertion that “Motherf*!ker” is the best word ever invented in the English language. Seriously...try it. Loud. Hard. With a French Canadian accent. It’s fun.

But then I started seeing them. The Lyrica™ commercials. You know, the ones with middle aged (well, that might be too polite. We’re middle aged. They’re old. But they look good for old people). They complain about how everything hurts. But then they went to their doctor, and learned that they have it.

Know what “IT” is? Only the best word EVER!

Christian: Are we talking best 80’s word? Because the best 80’s word is “tubular”.

I’m not familiar with the Lyrica commercials. Is it AIDS? They find out they have AIDS? You’re suggesting AIDS as the best 80’s word? That’s a horrible choice, Pat. “tubular” is much better.

Plus isn’t AIDS an acronym? That means it’s not a word, Pat. Try again.

Pat:  No...you’re misunderstanding. I’m starting to think you do this on purpose, by the way, just to confuse me and feel good about how, in the end, you’ll emerge victorious. Damn you, Christian, damn you to hell!

No...I simply meant that in the spirit of your “Best 80s…” posts, I wanted to throw out my own “Best of…” idea, ‘cause there’s a word on TV now that I REALLY like. And it’s not AIDS. I kinda’ don’t think anyone should like that word. It’s just not a good word. But the one I like is a REALLY good word.

C’mon, man...just play my game. Please?

Christian: Have you said your word yet? I’m confused. If it’s not AIDS then what is it? Not knowing your word is going to make it a lot harder for me to point out why it’s a poor choice for best word.

Is it “really”? Is that why you keep putting it in all caps?

Pat:  No. That’s for emphasis. Because I haven’t figured out a way to get my pleading, exasperated voice to type the way I want it to…so I use all caps. Should I opt for italics instead? Bold type? Underlines? Strikethroughs?

I’m open to suggestions.

Nope, my favorite word is most certainly NOT “really”. It’s similar, though. I’ll give you a hint:

It starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘ibromyalgia’. Any guesses?

Christian: Fibromyalgia? Jesus how do you even pronounce that? How can that be the best word?

It’s hard to say, hard to spell, and it’s a chronic disorder. Not best word material by any means.

If we are looking for all around best word I’m going to suggest “riboflavin”. That is a great sounding word. Say it. It just dances off the tongue. It’s spelled just like it sounds and riboflavin itself is a positive thing. Vitamin B stuff baby. Win, win, win.

Riboflavin kicks fibromyalgia’s ass everyday of the week. Everyone knows that.

Pat: No, you’re wrong. IF there’s a word that can beat “Fibromyalgia” (and there’s NOT...but if there were) it would be “motherfucker”. Duh! EVERYbody knows that. And NObody knows what the hell “riboflavin” even is.

Psst! “Motherfucker” is a pretty awesome word too, isn’t it? I sure think so. “Fibromyalgia, motherfucker!”.  Man, those two sound great together!

Christian: All I can say is “motherfucker” is much better than “Fibromyalgia”. Motherfucking better. However most words are. For example “bilateral”, “murmuring”, and “vigorous”” are just a few words off the top of my head that are far superior to“Fibromyalgia”. Even though they still fail in comparison to “riboflavin”.

However I’m willing to concede “riboflavin” as best word and just go with “motherfucker” if we can just forget you ever mentioned “Fibromyalgia”.

Pat: Nope. Not giving in on this one. I started this post and I’ll finish it, by fibromyalgiaing all over you!

(that doesn’t sound so good as a verb)

Here’s why. Turns out I might have something called ASMR. Not sure what it stands for. But I’ve got it real bad. And it happens every time I hear that word: “fibromyalgia.  ESPECIALLY when the ladies in the commercials say it.

It gives me tingles.

Apparently, not only is the word, “fibromyalgia a trigger FOR ASMR, but ASMR videos can actually help sufferers OF ASMR.


So now, if you disagree and argue with me, you’re making fun of my pre-existing condition, and even today’s insurance companies wouldn’t be THAT heartless and cruel…‘cause they can’t under Obama’s ACA.  Are you really going to challenge the POTUS, motherfucker?

Feel free to say I won.

Christian: I was a little bit nervous about looking up to see what ASMR was. Since you mentioned tingling I was greatly concerned it was going to involve your penis and that guy up above that painted fluffy happy clouds. Fortunately it’s something else.

P.S. You did not win. I did. If for no other reason than that google search I just did about ASMR didn’t have anything to do with your penis and the fluffy cloud guy.

39 comments:

  1. What does Bob Ross have to do with fibromyalgia or ASMR or motherfuckers (which was hilarious that you started out censoring then gave up on adding that little asterisk)? If you're talking best word, you have to take into account how versatile the word is in addition to how fun it is to say, and by your own admission, fibromyalgia isn't very applicable in general conversation. Motherfucker is just so satisfying. I can't yell "FIBROMYALGIA" in traffic and feel better.

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    1. Have you trying yelling it in traffic? I might be great.

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    2. I just yelled it at my cat for clawing the couch. It didn't phase him one bit. This word is pointless.

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  2. But if the ASMR last longer than 4 hours, do you have to seek medical treatment...motherfucker?

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    1. I think this comment is going to bring me joy for the rest of the day. :)

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  3. 'Motherfucker' is my go to word in times of distress. "Watch out, motherfucker!" "Use your blinker, motherfucker!" "I don't want to hold your motherfucking baby, you motherfucker!"

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    1. "Yes I would like to open up a motherfucking checking account, you motherfucker".

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  4. For once I agree with the hippy, I mean Pat. No matter who says it, the word fibromyalgia comes out like a robot is saying it. And robots are motherfucking cool.

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    1. While I agree with you that all robots are motherfucking cool, I don't agree with your agreement with Pat. But since it's so exciting to have a Stacey comment again :) I'll let it slide.

      This time.

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  5. I like "rutabaga". It's funny sounding and fun to say. Not enough people say rutabaga. They should.

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  6. Vinny makes a good point, but your other motherfuckin readers do too.
    I remember watching that fluffy artist and wanting to learn to replicate his magic with the paintbrush. But his fluffy hair distracted me too much. I wanted to go at it with a motherfuckin lawn motor or chainsaw. My favorite word would have to be viagra. It sounds so feminine yet epitomizes (my second favorite word) manliness.

    xoRobyn

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    1. Yeah viagra does sound like it should be some sort of lady-region medicine.

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  7. I like the word vagina. It's fun to say and it's fun to have one. You both should try saying it more. I'm sure your wives would appreciate it.

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  8. I think it's all in how you say riboflavin. Like, say it as Jerry Lewis circa the Nutty Professor. High pitched. Nasally. Very Jewish sounding. Then you have instant comedy gold and a hands down winner.

    Personally, my favorite bad words have always been thundercunt and cumdumpster. And it fills me with such glee that I actually get to use them both simultaneously.

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  9. I always thought "Ferrari" was the best word ever invented. I like to say it while I imagine I am driving my imaginary (red) one. I might throw in a few of the "Mo---Fo--"s just for fun if someone makes me get stuck in traffic.

    Mmmmmmmmmm. Ferrari. You should try it.

    xxo
    MOV

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    1. Ferrari does flow rather nicely.

      They make Ferraris that aren't red!?!?!? That seems like a mistake.

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  10. I don't know if it's my Catholic upbringing or because I'm a Virgo, or if I really am the prude I try not to be, but I have actually never said the MF word. I don't really mind other people say it, but if it came out of my mouth I would feel like I should gargle with Tide. I thought of coming up with a good synonym, but "Mommy-Copulate" sounds downright creepy. But Pat - as far as your ASMR diagnosis and tingling sensation goes, have you considered you might just have fleas? Just a thought. And a flea dip has got to be way cheaper than an appointment with a neurologist.

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    1. Flea dip? You really ARE a Virgo.

      MOV
      ps-- I am a Virgo too. And gargling with Tide sounds normal.

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  11. Shit, I can't even remember what words were in coined in the 80s. But I have a sense the "Brain-fart" was an 80's term. It has amazingly held up very well, as I feel there is even more mental flatulence occurring today than there was 30 years ago.

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    1. There's also "totally". And the cious words:"bodacious" and "hellacious".

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  12. I love words so much, I cannot possibly choose just one. It would be like having a favorite child. Which, of course, I do not. Certainly not. If I had to choose a word - curse words are ubiquitous. Fuck is like your best friend - short, to the point, always available, up for anything, slightly inappropriate, and your mom doesn't really like her.

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    1. My favorite child is my daughter. Just kidding. Everyone that knows me knows the cat is my favorite.

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  13. Good news is you don't have to pick just one word--just keep writing them ALL in these fun posts that we all love. Also, forget the fav word of the 80s--I'm still hung up over all the side ponies I rocked.

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    1. Are side ponies a hair thing? I think Pat had side ponies in high school.

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  14. Okay, I know I'm late to the party, but I'm going to go ahead and weigh in anyway. Here's what I think:

    You're both wrong. Although "riboflavin" and "fibromyalgia" are both admirable words, I don't think they really win at life. No, the winners in my book (and ought to be in everyone else's) stand thusly:

    --Thusly
    --Bedlam
    --Buccinator
    --Encroaching
    --Git
    --"Sonofabitch" (Spoken as a single word.)

    Don't try to argue. I win. You know I do.

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    1. This are some nice words. I too love encroaching and sonofabitch. I had never heard buccinator before so I had to look it up. I'll forgive you, for now, for making me learn something.

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  15. Huh. I've just realized that I don't think I've ever said motherfucker in my entire life. Sure, I've said mother and once in a blue moon have said fucker...well, probably not fucker, but fuck. But the two together in a meaningful way? Don't think I have. Wait a second and I'll try it....

    Oooh, that was fantastic! Thanks for that!

    My favorite word is naughty. Not that I am, in general, but I really like to say it. Although I do feel slightly naughty for all the cussing I just did. Woo, I'm a bad ass.

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    1. It makes me happy that we were able to open up the motherfucking lifestyle to you.

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  16. Petrichor is a great word or zarf!! But my cat is indifferent to them all. Maybe he is deaf?

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    1. Oh my god, I didn't know either of these words so I had to look them up. Awesome words Poke! You must must teach us your ways.

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  17. How do you guys feel about "viscosity?" Cause I'm a big fan.

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    1. I'm a fan of viscosity too. Although I'm a fan of 'v' words in general.

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  18. Motherfucker is an awesome word (when I get over the implications of it). Using Fibromyalgia as a verb is dirty.

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