Readers should probably be informed that this post was begun on Sunday, June 10. The reason for that disclaimer will be evident shortly.Pat: Guess what? I just again realized that I might possibly have the best job in the world. Sure, some kids are kinda’ stinkers, but they suddenly become amazing wonders of creation at the end of the year, usually in June. Not sure why, but every year, like magic, it happens! LOVE it!
Is your job like that?
Christian: Is this because you are a teacher and have the next couple of months off? Because what I’m hearing is that you really love your job the most when you’re not doing it.
Pat: Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Well, not really, actually. I do love my job. It’s just that I love it more now, when I’m not doing it.
Is your job like that?
Christian: Yes it is. I do like my job but I like not doing my job even more.
I would guess a lot of people like their job more when they’re not doing it. And I would even venture to say that most people would find their job even more appealing if they didn’t have to do it as much. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my job would be the absolutely best job in the world for me if I never had to do it.
So maybe not doing your job isn’t any more special than not doing any other job. Have you ever thought about that?
Pat: What are the laws governing the use of triple negatives?
I think you’re onto something...our love for things is inversely related to the amount of time we have to spend doing it. That sounds like math or physics. Therefore, while I do love teaching WHILE I am actually teaching, I love the IDEA of teaching more, especially when I don’t have to do it.
Whew! This is grammatically taxing!
Christian: Yes. And I can’t tell you how much I absolutely love not working as a Sewage Treatment Worker or Elephant Semen Extractor. I truly love not having to do those jobs. Probably even more than you love not teaching.
So if the point of this post was to determine what that best job not to ever do is, I think we can do a lot better than teacher.
Pat: Wait! What?
No...but I LIKE my job, much more than I like not doing other jobs. See what happens when I try to start a post?! You mix up words ‘til I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. It’s not fair!
And it’s not really that I like my job, it’s just that I wanted to rub it in your face that you’re probably working while you write all this out while I’m enjoying my seventh cup of coffee and my second breakfast while still in my bedclothes and it’s already 2 p.m.
But I was trying to be nice about it and just talk about how I liked my job. Why do you have to ruin EVERYTHING, Christian?
You know what job would SUCK, though? Hot Dog on a Stick! That uniform is dehumanizing!
I hate my life. I hate you. Fuck off.
Christian: But just think of all the free corn dogs! And with those uniforms it’s got to be non-stop fun on a stick!
Unless you’re a dude. Then yes those uniforms would really really suck. Do they let dudes work at Hot Dog on a Stick? Or is it one of those Hooters type places? I wouldn’t want to work at Hooters either. Those uniforms would also look terrible on me.
Pat: Apparently, yes. Who knew?
Just LOOK at our lemons!
Christian: First Hot Dog on a Stick. Then Hooters. You really seem to have a thing for places that seem to degrade women. And before you go all arguing that you were actually criticizing Hot Dog on a Stick and that it was actually me that brought up Hooters, let’s just take a moment of silence to remember those that have been forgotten.
OK, now where was I before I had to give you a lesson on women’s liberation? Oh yeah, me mixing up your words. What? Where? What are you talking about? You’re the one who is now changing your tune about the purpose of this post. Remember? You just said, and I quote:
“And I don’t really like my job, it’s just that I wanted to rub it in your face that you’re probably working really hard to benefit society while you write all this out while I’m enjoying my seventeenth cup of bailey’s/whiskey and a constant stream of breakfast sausages while naked and it’s already well into the afternoon/late evening.”
Mixing up words? Pshhh.
Pat: Y’know, I’m really sorry. Sometimes having someone repeat your words back to you really helps you see what a jerk you’ve been. And by “your”, “you”, “you” and “you’ve” I really mean “my”, “me”, “me” and “I’ve”. Sorry man...I’ll work on being less of a dick. I’m also going to work on practicing better dietary habits, ‘cause that alcohol and sausage breakfast you reminded me I ate sounds really revolting!
Thanks for being such a friend!
Christian: Apology accepted.
And maybe I am a little jealous that you have the entire summer off, to drink alcohol, eat sausages, and go around being a dick. Yes, I wish I could do that too. In fact I have always thought that your job would be the most perfect job to have if it wasn’t for the teaching part of it.