It's Worse Than We Thought!

Hey Christian...I don’t even know if this one counts as a post or a warning!

Remember back when I talked about that squirrel falling out of a tree (here), and how that might have could have possibly been a harbinger of some great big animal takeover?

Well, get this! In the last week I’ve had TWO inexplicable experiences again related to animals being where they shouldn’t be.

First...I was leading a workshop teaching about 35 other teachers about...aw, shit, you don’t care what I was teaching them. Anyway, I was in a room with 35 other adult educators when I completely lost their attention to a llama that came from the hallway outside and paraded itself through our meeting space. It was weird! People either rushed to get their picture taken with it, or they continued with their table discussions as though everything was normal...and I’m not sure which response was weirder!

Then...yesterday while on a run (kinda’ near to your neighborhood, just so you know!), I turned down a side road, and saw three huge peacocks standing on a fence railing, just staring at me, with a thuggish glint in their eyes! Their heads just turned, following me slowly, as I passed by. Nothing since has come of it (that I KNOW of), but it was just darn creepy!

More and more, animals are appearing where they are NOT supposed to be! What the hell is going on here, man?

Christian: Did you get prescribed some new medications recently? If so I think you might be reading the dosage amounts wrong.

Pat:  NO! This is not a joke, and I am not high or bonkers! And just so you know, I have a feeling that’s EXACTLY the kind of response they’re planning on my fellow humans having when I sound the alarm, thus making their takeover that much easier.

And in the time since you wrote, guess what? Skunk in the neighborhood setting up shop! How cavalier do they think they can be?!

Oh...and crows? Don’t even get me started on crows. I think they might be the masterminds behind the whole thing!

Christian: OK, maybe you are onto something here - although I still think you should have someone check your dosage readings - because the other day I experienced one of these “situations” that you seem to be having all the time.

Here’s what went down.

I was taking the garbage out to the curb and I suddenly noticed a flurry of something out of the corner of my eye above me on the telephone wire. I assumed it was a bird landing on the wire but when I looked up I saw that it was two squirrels fighting each other.

About a second after it registered with me what I was seeing they both fell. I gasped as I watched the two of them plummet to the ground. But the weird thing was that they continued to fight as they fell through the air. It was kind of like the Matrix.

As they were about to hit the ground, just a few feet away from me, I cringed, bracing myself for  their impact. But to my surprise they landed rather softly and continued fighting, not missing a beat. They formed one big blurry ball of squirrel fury.

At this point I took a step forward and said, rather sternly, “Knock it off, you two.”

Once I said this I realized how ridiculous I must sound to anyone who might be currently watching the situation. I quickly looked around to make sure none of my neighbors were out and about, or at least within earshot.

The squirrels at this point must have also realized how ridiculous I sounded because they both took off running. One chasing the other, obviously not ready to give up the fight quite yet.

I resisted all temptations to chase off after them and headed back inside.

Is this episode the kind of thing you are talking about?

There’s something about squirrels I just don’t trust.

(source)

Pat: Yes, exactly. They are definitely getting more and more bold about letting us see the things that have heretofore been only visible in the animal realm. I think it’s their way of giving us a subtle warning...as though they’re saying, “Hey, if they don’t get the clues from THESE antics, then they deserve to be dominated by us!”

The kids and I just took advantage of one of our fair cities’ public ventures--movies in the park. They’re free, so I had no qualms about going. I say that because the film that night was “Zookeeper” starring Kevin James and, I think, the city of New York. It might be the worst film in the world. It involves talking animals, and the premise is that the main character is such a tool that the animals have to help him, so they agree to override the animal world agreement that they let humans know that not only can they understand our language (only English, I presume) AND that they can speak it too.

And it just occurred to me that maybe ANIMALS made it...as yet another warning. That could at least explain why it was so bad.

Is this our future?

Christian: I haven’t seen the movie but the previews were so bad they made my IQ hurt. Wait a second...  I think you actually might be onto something here. But it might be worse. What if instead of the movie being a warning it’s actually the beginning of them taking over?

Maybe they intentionally made it so bad that it would actually makes us dumber from having watched it. I know I felt dumber after watching the previews. I can’t even imagine how dumb you and your kids are now after watching the whole movie.

I think they are planning on dumbing us down so that they can take over as rulers of the world.

What do you think? Hopefully you still have enough wits about you to read and comprehend what I am writing here. PAT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS I’M SAYING?

Pat:  Huh? Can you write shorter sentences, please? I’ll re-read what you wrote and try harder to understand the words, but I need to go feed my cats right now. They’re driving me nuts, and they don’t stop until I do what they want.