The Darkness

Here in the wet wintry depths of Oregon, where Point-Counter-Point-Point-Point’s magic is born, we’re forced for about seven months of the year to stay indoors and ponder what life is like in non-greys. And watch TV.

And sometimes we turn to each other for help.

Pat:  Yo, man...what are you doing to deal with the winter blues? I’m kinda’ at the end of my bag of tricks, having seen all of the second-run movies, and done all of the indoor kids activities this town has to offer.

I just found myself drinking KOMBUCHA, for christs’ sake, and considering going to a poetry reading! I start getting worried when my coping mechanisms switch from the standard alcohol and cable TV to non-regulated fermented Tibetan fungus tea and rhyming verse.

Any suggestions?

Christian: Pat! Back away from the poetry. It’s going to be OK. Just put the poetry down. No need go and do something crazy that we will all regret later.

For the most part I actually don’t mind the rain and grey skies. Don’t get me wrong I prefer the sun and warmth but I have always just accepted the fact that the weather here is just how it’s going to be so I don’t really notice it. However I do really dislike wind. I’m totally fine with running errands in torrential downpours but if there’s a strong wind, no way Thumbelina*.

Have you thought about becoming one of those snow bird types that travels south during the winter? I guess that might be hard to do with still maintaining consistent employment. Maybe you just need a heavier jacket. Have you tried that?

And only seven months of rain? No way Cesar Romero**! Don’t you think it’s more like nine or ten?

Typical Oregon Day.

Pat:  I think I saw the sky in that picture just the other day! And, yeah, I suppose you’re right...July and August and some of September are pretty nice. Hmm.

As much as I grow tired of the weather, I don’t think I have it in me to be one of those “snowbirds” you referred to. Not that I wouldn’t like the sun and the change of scenery. It just seems like too much effort and work.

That just got me thinking. Y’ever read The Phantom Tollbooth? I think we might be living in the doldrums. Maybe we should let the Oregon Tourist Bureau know about using that as a selling point for people wanting to come visit in February. I bet all them literary types would really get into it.

Christian: The Phantom Tollboth? No way Chupacabra!*** I’ve never read it. Therefore I have no idea what you are talking about but I think you might be onto something (Or on something?). Here’s an idea - we market Oregon as a great place to travel for those that are looking to reach a really dark place mentally. Fantastic!

Truly great artists have always led tortured existences. Their lives are always filled with despair, addictions, and turmoil. At least that’s what my National Institute of Rainbows and Shapes “So You Want To Be An Artist?” correspondence classes always say.

But what if you are an aspiring artist that has had a stable and very pleasant life filled with good fortune? Well before my idea, you were doomed to live a life of failure and happiness. But now all you need to do is come live in the Northwest for a few months and voila! You’ll be so depressed and mentally debilitated that you’ll have masterpieces coming out of your ass.

And maybe this is the answer to your original problem, Pat. Take your winter blues and fixate and obsess over them. Once you feel like there’s really no more hope, write a novel, paint a painting, or record a hip-hop album. If you’ve truly reached the darkest shadows of your soul, it could turn out to be a classic! Or maybe just make yourself a nice sandwich. That would probably work too.

Pat:  I like it! And we could bill it as a way for happy, upbeat people to learn how to commiserate with sad sacks, which I bet they’d be really into, ‘cause happy people like to try to make other people happy. They’re kind of naïve like that.

We could maybe even try to sway the folks at TravelOregon.com (which looks like our most official-ish state endorsed travel bureau) to change their motto from “Oregon- We Love Dreamers” to something like “Oregon- We Love Dreamers, Existentialist Philosophers, and People Who Seek Out Physician Assisted Suicide”.

Christian: Sounds like someone’s got a little more pep in their step. Are you feeling better about those winter blues now? There’s nothing like having a new exciting project to work on to get those motivational juices pumping and pull you out of a funk.

So how about you call those people over at TravelOregon.com and pitch them the idea and work out all the details and I’m going to go drink myself into oblivion while listening to The Cure.


*  I know the phrase is “No way Jose” but I’m trying to be more creative in my writing.
** Still not quite right.
*** Nailed it.