Thursday, March 1, 2012

Wait Just a Gosh Darn Minute!

Hey! I’ve noticed something, Christian. Many of our blog posts end with you having the final say on things. That makes me look weak, diminutive and inferior, and I don’t like it and it tears away at my I.A.L.A.C. sign (you’re welcome, Ms. Veeck, for remembering that valuable mental health lesson!). Why do YOU always get to have the last word? Is it because you know how to get these rambling ideas from a Word™ document to the wonderful world of web posting, or is it simply because you want me to appear small and powerless?

By the way...if you just don’t respond or answer any of the questions I just asked we’re all good, ‘cause, y’know, this will be my chance to have the final say. Your call, really.

Christian: First off, I thought you were aware of this but we are actually using Google docs to write these blog posts. As you type in your next response take note that you are actually logged into Google Docs via your web browser and have not opened up Microsoft Word. Just an FYI.

Pat:  Huh?

Christian: Secondly, I’ve also sort of noticed that I tend to get the last word in too. But I don’t see it as me getting the last word in as much as you not getting the last word in. I’ll explain after giving our highly attractive readers some background:

I know most of you assume that Pat and I write our specific sections of these madcap back and fourth blog posts from our individual estates, having them hand delivered back and forth via gold plated titanium chariots driven by former elite secret service men. The best of the best.

Then at the point that they have been decreed post worthy, they are dictated by Himalayan monks who have taken an oath of silence until said post is ready to read into our computer systems that were at one point used by NASA until they rejected them on the grounds of them being “too complex and sophisticated”. Then finally the original copy is set aflame and sent out to sea via a burning wooden raft made of the rarest of expensive woods.  

Well, it’s more or less like that except, like I mentioned before, we use Google Docs*. We each have a folder on Google Docs, and when one of us finishes one section they move it into the other’s folder letting them know it’s their turn. But when one of us feels like the post has come to an end or feels like they have said all that they want to say, they are supposed to move it into another folder labeled “Done”. It should be noted at this point that Pat has never moved one of our posts into the “Done” folder.

However it was agreed that we can still add more to the posts that have reached this “Done” folder if we want to. There is always plenty of time to add more before they go from the “Done” folder to going “live” for all of our dashing readers to enjoy.    

So really, Pat, you have no one to blame but yourself for not getting in the last word. But I promise that for this particular post, you can have the last word.

Make it count.

Pat: I didn’t know I COULD move things into the “Done” folder. Nor did I think you could, or were, for that matter. I kinda’ assumed that some Google-god moved our drafts into the “Done” folder when it deemed it magnificent enough to put into inter-print. So...there’s no higher power at work here?

Can we be “Done” right now?

Sweet! I got the last word!

Christian: It should be noted to our golden hearted readers that Pat finally moved a post into the “Done” folder. This one. Nice work Pat.

Pat:  Hey fucker...don’t try to take this from me!

Christian: Fine we can end it here but don’t you think that this is kind of a short post?

Pat:  No!  Now don’t say anything.


* Still trying to patent Google Docs.

**(this is Pat typing) Do I have to say something down here too? ‘Cause that asterisk is from Christian. Umm...thanks for reading!

20 comments:

  1. Pat, you said it best: Huh?

    Christian is obviously making up this "Google Docs" and "Done folders" thing. It sounds totally unbelievable. Of course there is a Google-god. Haven't you been watching the news??

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    1. Thanks, Tumbleweed. Yes...yes I did!

      ...and I don't watch news. Has the Google-god announced its second coming?

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    2. OK I'll admit it, not only did I make up "Google Docs" and "Done Folders" but I also made up "Pat".

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  2. But does Christan put stuff in the done folder because there's also a time limit on responses? If you just said something and then decide you have nothing else to say, isn't that kind of because you didn't give the other person a chance to respond? Shouldn't Christian always have the last word because PAT put it in the done folder, as it was his turn to decide if he has anything else to say? Can you actually hear the spoon hitting the sides of the pot while I'm stirring?

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    1. Carrie - I can't quite figure out if you are totally agreeing with me or completely disproving my argument. I feel it's definitely one of the two.

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    2. I'm saying, why is the last person to say something the one who decided enough has been said on the subject? I said it with a lot of other things draped over it so I can understand the confusion.

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    3. Ah, I think I see what you are saying. But no, the last person isn't the one who decides enough has been said. Once either of us feels like enough has been said they move it into the "done" folder. But the other person still can add more while it's in the "done" folder if they want to. I know for a fact Pat has done that on multiple occasions so I'm pretty sure all of this is still his fault.

      Just think of the "done" folder more as a "hey I'm ready to call this thing good if you are" folder.

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    4. Ok, then based on the hearsay evidence of Pat adding things while posts were already in the "done" folder, then I will side with you.

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  3. I think this might be my favorite post yet. I should mention that I have been told that I have taste in my ass. So you might disagree with me.

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    1. Whoa! That might be the COOLEST form of synesthesia I have ever heard of! "Ass-taste"...is that connected to "umami" in a way?

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    2. Megiweg - Did they say it like "Wow you have so much good taste it's even in your ass" or like "Your only taste is in your ass"? Either way I'm going to go ahead and assume you are giving us a compliment.

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  4. Oh, you two crack me up. I love hearing how it all REALLY works. Way to stand up, Pat! Maybe the blog title needs to be Point-Counter-Point-Pat-Point. Or Point Counter Point Point Pat.

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    1. Thanks for the affirmation, Kelley! I want to take it one step further and suggest we call is, simply, "Pat".

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    2. I think maybe "Point Christian-Point Point Point Pat" or "Point Christian-Point Point Point Point Point Pat Point Point Christian" might be acceptable alternatives.

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  5. You have revealed too much about the inner workings of this amazing contraption you call "blog." I will now steal your ideas and profit!

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    Replies
    1. Noooo! Thank god we didn't talk about our idea for what we like to call an "intelligent" phone.

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