Thursday, May 23, 2013

"I Just Want to Pee Alone" Review Extravaganza Bonanza-palooza

Today is a first at PCPPP. It’s our first book review! We’ll be reviewing the book “I Just Want to Pee Alone”, an anthology of the work of 37 strong, empowered women. The book consists of 37 short essays (one for each author. Go math!) relating some aspect of being a mother and finding the humor in the absurdity of child raising.  



Under full disclosure it should be noted that our friend Kelley over at Kelley’s Break Room - who is one of the book’s author’s - asked us to do a review and sent us two free copies (physical...not that digital e-book sorcery), which is technically the very first compensation either Pat or I have ever received for doing this blog stuff. I guess this means we have a revenue stream now or something. We’ll probably need to start filing taxes too. Not sure.

(Pat:  Wait...do we need to claim something. I sent in my taxes a long time ago. I do NOT want to get audited!)

Anyways, while still under full disclosure I would also like to disclose that as a child while playing pretend Army - where you run around with sticks pretending to shoot at your friends and yelling “I GOT YOU! I GOT YOU!” - there were a few times where I yelled “I GOT YOU!” but I had really missed.

Phew. It’s good to get that off my chest.  

Now some might say that by doing a book review post we’re selling out to the man. But in actuality we are selling out to 37 women which we can all agree is way cooler and much hotter.

Others may be wondering why have us review it? The book is about the trials and tribulations of being a mother and after all we are just two dudes that write a nonsense blog and hardly ever even mention that we own have kids. Well, we can only assume they’re wanting to break into that elusive brutally handsome and rugged males market. Kudos ladies!

So without further ado let the reviewing begin. I’ll start...

Christian: First off I think it should be noted that this book is nothing like Lord of the Rings. There are no magical rings, wizards or Hobbits and hardly any mentions of Orcs*. I might even go as far to say that this books is very un-Tolkien-esque. However it is much funnier. And there are a lot more vaginas. In fact, reading this book is like traveling through the wardrobe to the land of Vagarnia.

Pat:  I have to start off by admitting that I am kind of terrified to say anything about a book written by a group of women who are so at ease with saying the word “vagina” in so many contexts. I took a lot of Women’s Studies courses in college (I thought it might be a good way to get a date. It wasn’t.), and I learned that the word “vagina” can sometimes mean “Don’t you dare say a goddamned thing if you don’t have one, dickhead”.

Pat’s notes from reading the book.


Christian: Well yes, I guess vagina can mean many different things. But in the context of this book it typically means the place where children come out of.

But the book isn’t entirely about vaginas. It’s about finding the humor in the madness and frustration of being a parent, which every parent can appreciate and relate to. And the page numbering is sequential, which is a big plus in my book!

Pat:   Good point! I can remark on the numerative qualities of the book and not feel at all like a male oppressor! I think this book did a fantastic job of not only sequentially numbering the pages in the book, but also making sure odd numbers always appeared on the right side of the book. That kind of attention to detail is really hard to come by these days.

I was also really captivated by the stories.

Christian:  You mean in addition to the page numbering?

Pat:  Yeah. There were a lot of them that talked about poop. Granted, it was baby poop, and I would just as soon forget about meconium, but I LOVE it when the ladies talk about poop. It’s just funny....poop.

Christian: Yes, it’s nice to have hobbies. Anyways, another thing that is great about the book is that it’s not a how-to or advice book on parenting. It’s just pure humor. No “You need to do this”, or “Research shows that” or “You can’t do that, it’s illegal”. Just funny honest stories about parenting.

Pat:  You’re absolutely right! As I was reading it, I kept thinking it would have been a great partner text to the whole What To Expect... series. Kinda’ like a What You Couldn’t Ever Have Possibly Fucking Expected... book.

Although, I have to admit...I thought there would be more Orcs in it.

Christian: Yeah, it is hard to get past the lack of Orcs. But it does cover a wide range of parenting styles which allows all readers something to identify with.

Pat:  Parenting style? Am I supposed to have one of those? Do YOU have one?

Christian: Oh yeah. It’s rather simple though. I pretty much go with my instincts and when I get into a tough situation I just ask myself “What would David Lee Roth do”?

Pat:  He would just yell “Panama!” wouldn’t he? And then do a high kick?

Christian: You would be surprised how often that helps.

Pat:  Hmm. I also really liked how the various entries addressed the multiple aspects of parenting, and motherhood in particular. You have your pregnant moms, your birthing moms, your toddler-moms (wait, that one sounds funny), your moms-of-many-kids, and your daughters of other moms...

Christian: But no Orc-moms.

Pat:  No...sadly, no Orc moms. But I bet the Orcs would have LOVED the story of Meredith’s mom’s ashes blowing in the wind. That seems like something Orcs would find funny.

Christian: I would like to think so. *wipes tear from eye*

Pat:  Anyways...I also noticed that all of the authors had a certain devil-may-care attitude towards motherhood...and womanhood...and general personhood. Like, these are the kind of ladies empowered womyn who wake up in the morning and get the job done. They don’t care about how they look, or how pristine the minivan is, or how clean and un-smelly the kids are. They get the family through the day, and I respect them for that. Life ain’t pretty, and these womyn embody that!

Wait...that didn’t sound like I wanted it to. I have no idea what they look like. I bet they’re really hot! Wait, that doesn’t sound right either. Shit! Christian...help!

Christian:  They seem like the kind of womyn you would want to hang out with. Something tells me they could really hold their liquor.  

Pat:  Yes! Thank you! Amen to that, brother!

So...there were A LOT of these stories that resonated with me...basically anything hinting at actions that would undoubtedly lead to lifelong regret.   

Christian: So true. As a parent I related to a lot of these stories too. Granted in my earlier years when I was a single dude, racing cars and hitting the blackjack tables while doing lines of cocaine off womyn’s tits, I may not have related to a lot of the stories, or even understood them. “Is episiotomie an art class I can take?”, my younger self would have asked.

But even if the whole parenting thing is not your scene, I bet you know someone for whom it is. For example I bet your mom has kids. And this would be a great gift for any mom with a great sense of humor.

Pat:  True. Not for everyone. Like...not for fans of Sepultura.  

BUT...if you are a fan of self-deprecating womyn who speak truths about the unspoken underbelly of pregnancy, childbirth, child-rearing or annoying-but-ultimately-lovable husbands and families...then THIS is the book for you!

And it talks about poop. And vaginas. It talks about vaginas A LOT!

Christian: Yes. So in conclusion we are giving this book 5 thumbs up out of 4 stars. It is available in paperback and for your Kindle and can be purchased here, here, and over here. We recommend buying about 15 to 20 copies.



* Frodo is mentioned once on page 15. For real.

93 comments:

  1. Between the va-jay-jays available in the book.as well as poop talk, coupled with your infusion of orcs, Van Halen smatterrings and zeppelin scribblings...I think my life will be complete if I buy this book. Good job!

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    1. Thanks! No book review should go without mentioning orcs and Van Halen.

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  2. I love the notes from Pat, that is some tody handwriting - compared to mine any way!

    Poop and vagina? I am sold. My friend recently had a kid and they do talk about a lot of poop related things.

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    1. Tody? I meant tidy. Apparently tody is a bird - Pat writes like a bird and we are back to vaginas...full circle or so.

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    2. I was giving Pat a hard time about his tody and tidy handwriting on that note. It is very bird-like now that you mention it.

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  3. I bought the book and already read it. You guys are soooo behind the times.

    Anyway, great review, great book! Congrats to the writers!!!

    best,
    MOV

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    1. Well there are many factors into why our review hasn't come out until today. Most of them are the fault of our staff of unpaid attractive young interns. The other big factor is that both of us are slow readers.

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  4. I need a little more male guilt in my life - sign me up!

    Also, I still can't say the word vagina without giggling, so is it cool if I stick to bearded axe wound? That's not offensive, right?

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    1. For a minute there I was like "bearded axe wound"? I don't get that LOTR reference. Then I was like "ohhh".

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  5. I cannot wait to share this review with my husband and all of his friends. Thanks for reading, guys!

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  6. This is a fantastic review, and I love everything about it including the deconstruction of the book's page numbering, but my most favoritist line is:

    "Kinda’ like a What You Couldn’t Ever Have Possibly Fucking Expected... book."

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  7. By far my favorite review of the book yet! And not just because you called us hot.

    I lobbied hard for sequential page numbers, so I'm glad you noticed.

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  8. This is definitely my favorite review yet, and unlike the previous Amy, it is totally because you called us hot. Well, that and all the other hysterical stuff you wrote, but you had me at "hot."

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    1. Wow a lot of Amy's around here. My wife's name is Amy too. Amys must be hot by default.

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    2. Hi! I don't want to freak you out...but my name is Amy, too! Thanks for kind of calling me hot. . .that is all.

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    3. Well if your name is Amy you must be hot. We've already proven it to be true. You can't argue with science.

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  9. Thanks for the hilarious review! Love Pat's notes! It's liberating to write (and illustrate)the word "vagina".

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  10. I'm sorry I didn't write about Orcs. Next book, I will definitely write about Orcs. Thank you for the handwritten visual. A clear motivator to any potential customer doubting about buying the book.

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    1. It would be interesting to hear the stories and tribulations of Orc-moms. I bet they have a whole different take on the parenting thing what with their children being bread for evil and all.

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  11. I'm not going to lie, this womyn gives this review a 5 vagina salute. My absolute favorite review of our book thus far. Saying thus and vagina in a comment gives it an air of class, wouldn't you agree? WOULDN'T YOU AGREE?

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    1. Totally agree. "Thus vagina" is a common saying in my family.

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  12. OH MA GAH! Thank you! I just love it when men review our book because it proves you don't have to have a vagina to enjoy this book. Oh, sorry i said it again- VAGINA! I didn't do an actual "vagina count" in the book but you are correct; we are free with the vagina. Wait, that came out wrong, too.

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    1. I don't think I should have read that last bit at work here. People are staring at me now. Need to learn to control laughter while at work.

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    2. Christian, first things first...NEVER read anything by RachRiot while at work. NEVER! And, what about Rachael's vagina?

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    3. Rachael's vagina? Well I can't speak from any experience but I would assume it's like an omnipresent beacon of hope.

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  13. Oh my GOD. This is the BEST REVIEW OF A BOOK I HAVE EVER READ IN THE HISTORY OF ALL BOOK REVIEWS. And, the David Lee Roth style parenting seems to work for you - so why fight it. Please post video of the Panama shout followed by air kick.
    Tracy @ Momaical

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    1. Wow I can't believe what great reviews are review is getting. Thanks! As for the videoing the Panama kick, I would but would be too concerned with blowing out both my knees and probably at least one elbow.

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  14. Not to sound redundant, but I agree with Amy and Amy about this being my favorite (favorite) review and about being called hot (hot)! You guys are awesome and I'd totally hang with you at a liquor store.
    Glad you liked our book - sorry there weren't more references to Orcs.
    Or Orc vaginas.

    Definitely a new follower and will be sharing this on my facebook page today! :)


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  15. This is the best review we've received. You guys are hilarious.

    P.S. We also do LOTR humor occasionally. http://binkiesandbriefcases.com/the-bachelorette-lord-of-the-rings-edition/

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  16. ...I won't lie, I'm now contemplating using the David Lee Roth form of parenting on my daughter, I think she'll get a kick out of it....HA, I didn't even try to do that one:P Bestest. Review. EVAR.

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    1. Thanks! I really should write a book about the Dave Lee Roth parenting style. There are a lot of little nuances to it that a lot of people get wrong.

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  17. I had vaginas in my title, but now I'm wishing I'd somehow incorporated "Vagarnia". This is the best.

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    1. Thanks! I almost went with "I felt like Alice in Vaginaland"

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  18. My 6yo is crop-dusting my home office as I read this review, and all I can think is: Could it POSSIBLY get more better and realier real than this?
    You make my unicorn prance, fellas.
    Ethereally yours,
    Galadriel
    (that's "Kim" for those not in the know)

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    1. Thanks! Would it be weird if I started signing all my work e-mails with "Ethereally yours"? I like that a lot.

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  19. My next short essay is definitely going to contain a reference to Vagarnia. I love this review. You two should be the recipients of honorary vaginas.

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    1. This may be a shock to you but we have never ever received honorary vaginas before. What an honor! Thanks!

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  20. I LOVED this review. In fact, I think it's my favorite one I've ever read, about this book or any book. I've read the book thoroughly and it sounds like you missed the story about Orc vaginas. You might want to circle back.

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    1. Orc vaginas you say? While those are two things that I like it might be one of those cases where two great things DON'T taste great together. Wait. That sounds wrong.

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  21. Best review ever. Pat's notes? Made me snort laugh! Thank you for the awesome review!

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  22. Check out all of these girls on your page! Thank sooo much for reviewing the book in such a funny way. I knew it was a good idea to send you those books! (This is sort of an awkward time to ask, but when are you going to pay me back for them?)

    Kidding. JUuuuuuuuuuuuust kidding.

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    1. Thanks again for the books! We are currently working on a 3D printer that will print out Orange Juliuses. Once we perfect the technology it will all be yours.

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    2. Can these Orange Juliuses be tasted? Keep working on that, by all means. Stay up a week straight, if needed. (You're welcome!)

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  23. Even if this review wasn't completely awesome, it would be my favorite review simply because you guys are my favorite. Also, because you think the Orcs might enjoy my essay. I'm glad to be part of a group of womyn who "have hobbies" and thrilled you don't engage in that evil "digital e-book sorcery". You guys are wonderful

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    1. Thanks Meredith! We're sure Orcs would love your essay just as much as we did. But we aren't sure whether or not they know how to read.

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  24. I had a snappy comment to make there at the beginning, but then I kept reading and I was so busy cry-laughing I can't remember what I was going to say. Something about David Lee Roth's vagina, maybe?

    Thanks for the awesome review, fellas. I hope you get tons of followers from this review getting passed all over the innerwebs, because you deserve them - especially since I know you didn't write this in hopes of gaining new followers, but mostly just to have an excuse to discuss Orcs and draw vaginas. *high kick*

    PS Spellcheck does not recognize the plural of "vagina" as "vaginas" - I bet it's just threatened by 37 of them joining forces to write a book, eh?

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    1. Thanks Robyn! I noticed the spell checker flagging vaginas too (that's what she said). Maybe it's supposed to be vagini?

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    2. Might be. I wonder if they still use those tags - Virginia is for Lovers?

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  25. Thank you so much for the hilarious review of IJWTPA. I think my favorite was the Beavis and Butthead style doodling of vaginas and apologies. You guys are the best, especially because you've branded me among the hot even though I have gone out in public with so much spittle on my shirt I looked like a pigeon toilet.

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    1. I don't know, I've heard the pigeon toilet look is going to be the in look for this summer.

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  26. The artwork in this piece has left me speechless. Best book review I have ever read. Now I need to go listen to Panama and dry my eyes. Thank you for the fantabulous review and for the laughs.

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    1. Thank you! So you don't tear up when listening to Panama? Ummm... me either.

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  27. Let's run away together to Middle Earth. I think it would be a fun trip with you 2 and no Elmo. This is the best thing I have read in the history of ever. Including the Bible. Which I never read because it's very long and those thin pages weird me out. But I am pretty sure this is better. I kinda want my blog readers to read this review even more than I want them to read the book. Thank you for making my day!

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    1. Thanks! I'm thinking we should bring Elmo. We're going to need someone to keep Gollum company. I bet those two would really hit it off.

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    1. It's just a few hilarious clicks away. Actually the links aren't that funny. But you can use them to buy the book. And the book is funny.

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  29. Great review. I read the book and my wife read the book (not in that order) and I found it hilarious. Your book review is the bomb.

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  30. Hilarious review!!! I already bought but I can't read it while at work or I get very strange looks when I giggle to myself. I bought this for a friend of mine. She loves it! I think it should be the new go-to baby shower gift. "Read this - it will prepare you for what lies ahead."

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    1. Definitely and good baby shower gift. Although maybe there should be a disclaimer saying not to read it until after you have the baby. Don't want to send any mom-to-be into a nervous breakdown.

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  31. I assume that since my essay involved not one, but TWO vaginas, I get extra points. Were you giving out points?

    I only wish I could go back and add an Orc reference, which when I think about it, might not be as difficult as one might imagine.

    Thanks for the fun review & I'm glad you enjoyed the book!

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    1. We're Point Counter-Point Point Point. We're all about points here. So yes you get 3 points! But I guess that means we'll have to change our name to Point Counter.

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  32. My new motto in life is now going to be "What Would David Lee Roth Do?" Put that shit on a bracelet.

    Love the review. You have now multiplied the need for me to buy this book by 100.

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    1. David Lee Roth is one of this centuries' more underrated philosophers.

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  33. Nary a vagina, nor an Orc were mentioned in my essay, but I mentioned Kiebasa and booze! Anything? Oh, well. So glad you enjoyed the book and I only hope you had as much fun as we are having reading this review. You dudes ROCK and I'm sure are heavily endowed.

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    1. Yes to the Kielbasa! Yes to the booze! Yes to the to fun! And Yes to the heavily endowed! Wait do you mean endowed as in "giving income or property to another"? Oh, in that case Yes too.

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  34. Well done guys! I'm glad that you've finally gotten over your crippling fear of vaginas. See? I told you they aren't that scary and even can be fun at times.

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  35. Umm...I'm kinda' experiencing a comment-coma. I've never gotten this much attention from girls. Well, mom doesn't count.

    Thanks, girls. Or ladies. Or womyn. Umm...is this where I'm supposed to ask you out on a date? Or to have a baby with me?

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  36. I had just finished off a bottle of whiskey while having a conversation about poop with my vajazzled girlfriend and I read this review. I have no actual words for the awesomeness that lies here so I simply high kicked and yelled "Panama!"

    None of the above is true, except the awesome part. Thanks for the entertaining review, you guys are swell. VAGINA.

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  37. I had "satyr vagina" in the key word search on my blog. They at least should start by reading this vagina-y book I guess.

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  38. It takes balls to write so much about vaginas. These ladies rock and I wish I could be friends with them all. And you, too, for such an entertaining review and illustration.

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  39. I would be inspired to write a book just to have you review it...except for my deep, dark secret: I CAN'T READ. (Sobbing ensues.)

    Nice work, boys!

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    1. Thanks. And you've come to the right place. Our blog is perfect for people who can't read.

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  40. Love your notes, Pat. I guess if you had paid attention to your list a few years ago and remembered to buy the condoms back then, today you wouldn't have 37 women asking you to learn about their vaginas. Sometimes things just work out for the best.

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    1. 37 women asking you to learn about their vaginas is definitely the best.

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  41. Your notes are super awesome. I am pretty sure the marginalia are similar to those found in many a young man's school notebooks, but more caring and understanding and stuff.

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  42. This is a nonsense blog? And you're telling me now?

    Not like Tolkien and a lot more vaginas..... I know enough. I have to buy this book. Good review. Wy did you cross out chica? Saying chica makes them slap you, meaning good make up sex. Her vagina looks funny? Look how informative this post is. Hardly nonsensical. But I am, of course, biased.

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    1. Sorry to let it out of the bag that this is a nonsense blog. However keep in mind that we do take our nonsense very seriously.

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