Thursday, October 10, 2013

The Signing

So...we gave away the Quadracorn. Little did we know that parting ways with said artwork would prove so traumatic. There’s a lot of thought that goes into giving a piece of invaluable artwork away, as we’re sure Picasso and Cobain and Sendak fully know...or would, if they were alive.

The Quadracorn Portrait

But unlike them, we ARE alive, and we were there when the Quadracorn was signed (‘cause, y’know, we’re the ones who signed it, so we kinda’ had to have been there, or that would be weird and have to involve physics and wizardry), and we witnessed firsthand the hardship. Christian cried.

Christian: That may or not be true even though it is.

Yes, it was surprisingly hard to give away the Quadracorn portrait to Jeneral Insanity. But she did win it fair and square in our 100th Post Quadracorn Giveaway Bonanza Palooza.

And signing it was almost as hard.

Since at some point in the distant future we know the Quadracorn portrait will inevitably end up in the Smithsonian or on some satellite-rocket thing being sent, as a token of peace, to an alien species that Earth is first making contact with, we wanted to make sure our signatures were top notch. This put a surprising amount of pressure on us.

But instead of describing the process to you, using our traditional poetic word-blasting we thought we would walk you through it using the devil’s soul cages. I mean using pictures. Here we go...

When I arrived at Pat’s he had the lights dimmed and candles strewn about.
I don’t know what his intentions were but I was just there to sign the Quadracorn Portrait.


We first needed to select the proper writing instrument considering
the historical importance of this signing.


And then we did a few practice signatures.


Followed by a few more practice signatures.



Then it was time to do the real signature on the real portrait. We each had our own technique.



Pat tried the not looking technique...


…while I tried a different technique.



And our signatures! It should be noted that despite the fact that
Pat’s name is significantly shorter than mine his signature
took up about half the space. Not to mention
the majority of his signatures is just a straight line.


And we decided to include a personalized note that
can later be used as authentication of the Quadracorn Portrait when
Jen tries to sell it to the Louvre.


Everything ready to go. But we needed something sturdy
and strong to put everything in so that nothing would get damaged
during transport.


Voila!



Nice and safe.


Picture of the manila envelope we put the
fruit bars safety box in for shipping.


Took both of us, using awesome PCPPP teamwork to put
it in the envelope.


Unfortunately not everything fit. Sorry Jen.

There you have it: history.

Hopefully everything made it to Jeneral Insanity safely. If not feel free to sue the United States Postal Service. Just remember to list our names down as part of the plaintiffs so we can also receive some of that sweet sweet settlement cash.

45 comments:

  1. "The Devil's Soul Cages" is now my favorite way to refer to a photo. Would that then make Instagram a soul repository? Is Instagram really Hell!?!
    Also, I'm definitely signing all of my letters from here on out "Gentle Caresses". Also, you have to update your banner to account for Pat's mighty, glorious facial follicles.

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    1. I recommend signing all letters with Gentle Caresses. I even use it for all my work e-mail too. I don't want to brag but I'm kind of known as "Oh yeah. That guy." at work.

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    2. Thanks for noticing. I was a wee late on the whole puberty thing.

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  2. Just when I was about to get over my disappointment at not being awarded the Quadracorn, here you have gone and opened up the wound, dare I say rubbed salt in it! Nevermind that I lied, err fudged the truth about being Jeneral Insanity. Most people who know me can vouch for the fact I am at least slightly warped. Just so you know I'm dusting off the voodoo dolls I made soon after my ruse was exposed and I'm alternatively writing and pushing pins into their head. Yeah, that's right. I made two dolls but only one head. Deal with it.

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    1. Quadracorn wounds take the longest to heal. Especially when they are emotional wounds.

      P.S. Do the dolls share a head or does only one of them have a head? I'm assuming mine is the one with the head since I have a headache right now that feels like pins being pushed into me. I think you have a career in voodoo dolls.

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    2. Ohhh, this worked even better than the old woman with the headless chicken said it would! Yep, it is just your head. Sorry I didn't get around to making a head for Pat. Okay, I'll say we're even and pull the pins out.

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    3. S'okay...I don't need a head. Often times that's true in real life.

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  3. I guess now I see why only one drawing was raffled off. The strain on the two of you to do more would have been far too much to ask. Let the healing begin.

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    1. I'm assuming by "healing" you mean "drinking that bottle of Maker's Mark". If so then yes, the healing has begun.

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    2. Begun...and done. "Urp".

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  4. Do manilla envelopes have souls? Because that is an awesome picture of one. Also, what exactly is manilla?

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    1. Well obviously that manilla envelope no longer has a soul. I think manilla is a fiber. Or maybe a spice, I don't know.

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    2. Capital city in the Philippines that, like e e cummings, refuses to succumb to the oppressive rules of grammar. And Spanish colonial rule.

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  5. This post could have used a whole lot more boobs. Male or female, I don't really care.

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  6. Ha ha! Your fatal mistake was showing us all your signature. Now I know your full name. It's... Christ Plant? Clair Pluto? Cheez Pint? You know what, never mind, I give up.

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  7. Now I feel even worse about not winning the Quadrocorn. Is this some kind of sick game you guys are playing? "Oh, hey, look at this masterpiece we're only giving to Jen, guys! Oh, what? You're not jealous enough? Well, as an added bonus, we're including a handwritten note AND our signatures." Wow, you guys know how to cripple a man.

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    Replies
    1. I'm starting to think we should cancel next week's post about how we had an extra Quadracorn portrait so we decided to just sign burn it.

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  8. I cried all the way thought this post, mainly because I didn't win this magnificent prize. I really wanted those signatures for forgery purposes! Now my dream of starting a petting zoo/motorcycle wall of death using someone else's capital is RUINED!

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    1. Before we published this my wife asked if it was smart for us to publish our signatures. I was like but athletes and famous people are giving away their signatures all the time, what harm could it be. I hadn't thought about petting zoo/motorcycle wall of death capital though. Dammit!

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    2. See...I thought ahead already. That's actually my DAD'S signature! I got pretty good at copying it when I was younger, and I wanted to use it as a way to throw people off my trail. Looks like it worked!

      Wait...my dad's name is 'Rick'.

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  9. That is such a bummer that the whiskey bottle did not fit.

    As for your signatures: the only time I put that much thought into my signature was when we were buying our house. This would be crucial and LEGAL documentation. I practiced on a legal pad over and over and over and over and over and over and over until............ finally........... I found the one that I wanted. I signed in a way like I have NEVER signed before and NEVER signed since.

    That way, if we ever default on our house, I will merely point at our loan docs and say, "That is not my signature." Then I will shrug.

    Shrugging proves it.

    xxo
    MOV

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  10. Hi guys! I've missed you and you making me of laughter. I'm more jealous than ever that I did not win that drawing, because I had NO IDEA that you did it on a ripped out sheet from a spiral notebook! That is beyond classy.

    I couldn't stop cracking up at imagining Jeneral Insanity's expression of puzzlement as she opened that manila envelope. A bunch of little scribbled sheets of paper in a fruit bar box! Man, you boys sure know how to treat your readers just right!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Kianwi! It's not on a ripped out sheet of spiral notebook paper. We hand crafted all those ripped holes to make it look like it was on ripped out sheet of spiral notebook paper. It took us over 14 hours to get them just right. An artists work is never done, or something like that.

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  11. Pat, your signature looks an awful lot like mine. Well, mine starts with a C and then kind of gives up and turns into a line but still, the line part looks a LOT like my line part.

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    1. The nice thing about Pat's signature is that it's also easy to type out on the computer:

      __________________


      See?

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    2. Christian! I've TOLD you not to do that! It's MY signature!

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  12. My signature's just a big, ham-fisted X at this point (X for "xtra special") and I like to end all correspondence with "butterfly kisses on your small hairs" unless I'm writing to someone who has made me a touch, maudlin, in which case "a bag of dicks" features quite heavily. No YOU'RE welcome.

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    Replies
    1. Just sent an e-mail to my boss asking for a promotion. Signed it with "butterfly kisses on your small hairs". It's as good as mine.

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  13. I can't believe I did not win. This is so not fair! My signature ends up like Pat's too, because my last name is too long so I just write the first letter and the rest is -----------. I am pretty sure it can be forged very easily.

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    1. I just wrote a bunch of bad checks and signed them with a straight line. Just a heads up in case the feds come looking for you or Pat.

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  14. Just realized I hadn't stopped by in a while and I MISSED GETTING A QUADRACORN?? Why is life so cruel??

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    1. I'm not going to lie to you and say you'll get over it, because we both know that you will probably have to live with this devastation for the rest of your life. It's not about getting over it, it's about learning to live with it. Winning a Quadracorn portrait is a once in a generation thing. Stay strong.

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  15. I love the pictures. and I love seeing your face! -signed, the creepy blond stalker that obsesses about you two.

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    1. You mean faces right? It's not a big deal but we don't want to leave Pat out. Unless of course you were talking about Pat's face in which case you are dead to me.

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  16. This makes me sad! Also, I just had my husband's hand-dipped Maker's Mark bottle turned into a candle for Christmas. Anyway I can get you to sign that and make it a REAL gift??

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    1. You send us a new bottle of Maker's Mark and we promise to send it back to you signed. And empty. Better make it two bottles so we have one to practice our signature on.

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  17. Wow. I could swear I saw a work of art that looked just like the Quadracom on EBay. The seller was asking for a bottle of whiskey or a quarter. Coincidence?

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  18. New to your posts, but I suspect what you sent was a forgery...why would you part with the valuable original?

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    1. I know I know. I'm kicking myself now. That thing could have paid for my kid's college. I mean community college. I mean community college class. I mean community college class's text book. I mean bus fair to their class.

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