Daylight Savings Lame

In case any of you were wondering I will not be appearing in an episode of Catfish, that TV show about people that start online relationships with people who may not be who they seem. Turns out there was a problem with one of the routers my chat client was using and all my communications were actually being bounced back to me. Therefore it turns out I was Catfishing myself. Which is unfortunate because I felt like I had really developed a strong connection with me.

Anyways, you know what else is lame? Daylight savings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the setting the clocks back in the fall, but do we have to set them forward an hour during the spring?

Pat, I say we start getting rid of the jumping forward part but keep the setting the clocks back in the fall part. What do you say?

Pat:  Is catfishing related to noodling? I think we posted about that awhile back--that thing where people try to catch fish my shoving their arms down the fishes gullets? Both of those terms sound kinda’ dirty when you are also thinking about online relationships. There’s too many kinks in the world, Christian. I just can’t keep up with them all.

Something tells me that continuing only half of the daylight savings/losings tradition is a bad idea, whichever way you go. Over the course of 24 years, it seems like you’ll find yourself in either yesterday or tomorrow. That can’t be good.

Christian: Why? If it’s yesterday that means we’ve gained a whole additional day! We could watch a whole season of Airwolf in a day! Sweet!

What’s not to like here?

I’m suggesting we just get rid of the spring forward part, which would put us into tomorrow after 24 years. Yes that would be bad. It seems like I always have stuff to do tomorrow.   

Pat: Amen to that, brother! WAY too much stuff. Better to live in the moment, I say. Tomorrow will take care of itself...just like my taxes.

How many seasons of Airwolf were there? Tragedy, what happened to Jan Michael Vincent. Pure tragedy.  Still chokes me up just thinking about it.

Oh wait...that was Jon-Erik Hexum.

Christian: Jan Michael Vincent is still alive as far as I know. Did you know his character’s name on the show was Stringfellow Hawke? Hawke I get, but Stringfellow?

If only we had gotten rid of the spring forward part of daylight savings time before they created the show. That would have given the writers more time to come up with a better first name for their Airwolf piloting hero.

See? This is the kind of tragic results that I’m sure we suffer from every year because of daylight savings. How many more ill-named TV action heros are we going to suffer from before we put an end to this horror?

Does this not convince you that we should get rid of it, Pat? (I’m still talking about just getting rid of the spring forward part.)

Pat: No. Not in the least. For one thing, I was never really interested in those 80s helicopter-centric TV shows. Well, I can only think of four of them (and one of them--“China Beach”--was really a Vietnam-centric show with a lot of helicopters in it)...but I wasn’t too into them beyond a couple of episodes.

Now...consider the ability to revert daylight savings time in order to get more episodes of “Square Pegs”, “Fantasy Island”, or any show starring Ann Jillian and then we’re talking!

Christian: You don’t have to watch Airwolf. Or Blue Thunder. Or… wait was there another helicopter themed show in the 80’s? I don’t put China Beach in the same helicopter category as Airwolf and Blue Thunder. You’re not including Riptide are you? Yes it had a helicopter, but I wouldn’t say it was helicopter-centric.

Pat: Yeah it was! That helicopter was almost the best part of that show! Sure, it didn’t have the rugged swagger of Blue Thunder, or the streamlined stealth of Airwolf, but the Screaming Mimi stole the show almost every episode with her shaky-but-reliable persona.

Don’t kill my heroes, Christian. We’ve talked about this before. A lot.

Christian: There is no fucking way “Riptide” was a helicopter show.

If someone was to ask “What is the premise of “Riptide”?” You would say it’s about two former Army buddies that start a private detective agency on a boat or something. But you can’t describe the premise of Blue Thunder or Airwolf without saying the word helicopter. If you did you would be a dirty liar.

I’m starting to think that you’re not the right person I should be pitching my “only fall back” daylight savings plan to.

Pat:  Probably not. Sorry you’re just figuring that out now. You know me. I like my routines, and daylight savings is just one of those annual routines that I don’t want to give up. It’s also the reason I refuse to travel to Arizona.

And we really don’t need to get into it here, but “Riptide” is, too, totally a helicopter show.

The people have spoken

Christian:  You may have won this Riptide-is-a-helicopter-show battle, but the war is not over my friend. TO BE CONTINUED!

Favorite Word?

You know me, Christian. I’m not one to indulge forays into the land of “favorites”. Thus my reticence to take part in your questions about best:

-80s songs

-80s movies

-80s years

-80s TV show

-80s Christmas movie

(I think at this point it merits pointing out that we can all clearly see that Christian is having trouble aging and acknowledging that we’re no longer living in the three-decades-old decade.)

-Superpower

-Job

-Historical event

Yeah...usually I try to avoid your “best” games, only to be badgered and harassed (by you) until I play your game only to find out that, regardless what I say I end up losing. Whatever.

But now things have changed! Know why?

For as long as I can remember, I have stood by my assertion that “Motherf*!ker” is the best word ever invented in the English language. Seriously...try it. Loud. Hard. With a French Canadian accent. It’s fun.

But then I started seeing them. The Lyrica™ commercials. You know, the ones with middle aged (well, that might be too polite. We’re middle aged. They’re old. But they look good for old people). They complain about how everything hurts. But then they went to their doctor, and learned that they have it.

Know what “IT” is? Only the best word EVER!

Christian: Are we talking best 80’s word? Because the best 80’s word is “tubular”.

I’m not familiar with the Lyrica commercials. Is it AIDS? They find out they have AIDS? You’re suggesting AIDS as the best 80’s word? That’s a horrible choice, Pat. “tubular” is much better.

Plus isn’t AIDS an acronym? That means it’s not a word, Pat. Try again.

Pat:  No...you’re misunderstanding. I’m starting to think you do this on purpose, by the way, just to confuse me and feel good about how, in the end, you’ll emerge victorious. Damn you, Christian, damn you to hell!

No...I simply meant that in the spirit of your “Best 80s…” posts, I wanted to throw out my own “Best of…” idea, ‘cause there’s a word on TV now that I REALLY like. And it’s not AIDS. I kinda’ don’t think anyone should like that word. It’s just not a good word. But the one I like is a REALLY good word.

C’mon, man...just play my game. Please?

Christian: Have you said your word yet? I’m confused. If it’s not AIDS then what is it? Not knowing your word is going to make it a lot harder for me to point out why it’s a poor choice for best word.

Is it “really”? Is that why you keep putting it in all caps?

Pat:  No. That’s for emphasis. Because I haven’t figured out a way to get my pleading, exasperated voice to type the way I want it to…so I use all caps. Should I opt for italics instead? Bold type? Underlines? Strikethroughs?

I’m open to suggestions.

Nope, my favorite word is most certainly NOT “really”. It’s similar, though. I’ll give you a hint:

It starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘ibromyalgia’. Any guesses?

Christian: Fibromyalgia? Jesus how do you even pronounce that? How can that be the best word?

It’s hard to say, hard to spell, and it’s a chronic disorder. Not best word material by any means.

If we are looking for all around best word I’m going to suggest “riboflavin”. That is a great sounding word. Say it. It just dances off the tongue. It’s spelled just like it sounds and riboflavin itself is a positive thing. Vitamin B stuff baby. Win, win, win.

Riboflavin kicks fibromyalgia’s ass everyday of the week. Everyone knows that.

Pat: No, you’re wrong. IF there’s a word that can beat “Fibromyalgia” (and there’s NOT...but if there were) it would be “motherfucker”. Duh! EVERYbody knows that. And NObody knows what the hell “riboflavin” even is.

Psst! “Motherfucker” is a pretty awesome word too, isn’t it? I sure think so. “Fibromyalgia, motherfucker!”.  Man, those two sound great together!

Christian: All I can say is “motherfucker” is much better than “Fibromyalgia”. Motherfucking better. However most words are. For example “bilateral”, “murmuring”, and “vigorous”” are just a few words off the top of my head that are far superior to“Fibromyalgia”. Even though they still fail in comparison to “riboflavin”.

However I’m willing to concede “riboflavin” as best word and just go with “motherfucker” if we can just forget you ever mentioned “Fibromyalgia”.

Pat: Nope. Not giving in on this one. I started this post and I’ll finish it, by fibromyalgiaing all over you!

(that doesn’t sound so good as a verb)

Here’s why. Turns out I might have something called ASMR. Not sure what it stands for. But I’ve got it real bad. And it happens every time I hear that word: “fibromyalgia”.  ESPECIALLY when the ladies in the commercials say it.

It gives me tingles.

Apparently, not only is the word, “fibromyalgia” a trigger FOR ASMR, but ASMR videos can actually help sufferers OF ASMR.

Hi.  Can I help you with your fibromyalgia?

So now, if you disagree and argue with me, you’re making fun of my pre-existing condition, and even today’s insurance companies wouldn’t be THAT heartless and cruel…‘cause they can’t under Obama’s ACA.  Are you really going to challenge the POTUS, motherfucker?

Feel free to say I won.

Christian: I was a little bit nervous about looking up to see what ASMR was. Since you mentioned tingling I was greatly concerned it was going to involve your penis and that guy up above that painted fluffy happy clouds. Fortunately it’s something else.

P.S. You did not win. I did. If for no other reason than that google search I just did about ASMR didn’t have anything to do with your penis and the fluffy cloud guy.