Thursday, October 3, 2013

2013 PCPPP Corporate Retreat

Like many of our nation’s top corporations, Christian and I have a firm commitment to keeping our staff happy. We like to “pay it forward”, as it were, in order to strengthen our working relationships. So, taking cues from many of the top corporate consulting companies, we took it upon ourselves to treat our staff to a retreat, one that would focus on team-building, visioning and branding, and three hour hugging-it-out intimacy experiences. In this post, we set out to reflect on what ended up being quite a day.


Pat:  So, Christian, now that it’s been a few months since our corporate retreat, would you mind taking a few moments to reflect on what you found most valuable as it relates to the future prospects of our co-blogging venture?

If it helps, I would like to chime in that I LOVED that you drove. It was a generous offer, and it allowed me to not worry about getting really tanked right before we left.


Christian: Are you talking about that time I drove you home from 7-11 because those teenagers were harassing you?

Pat:  No, silly! I’m talking about our first ever soon-to-be annual (Right? You promised!) trip into the dangerous and trying mountains of our own Oregon, to challenge ourselves by engaging in team building, limit pushing, horizon expanding, and food eating. We talked about the future of PCPPP--the IPO that we’re looking at for next year, the movie/book option the year after, and the co-memoir after that.

Our ski trip. Remember?

Christian: Oh yeah. I wore a new pair of high performance underwear for that trip. That was our corporate retreat? I remember talking about those things but wasn’t aware that was our official retreat. Where were all of our young attractive interns?

Pat: Yes, that was our retreat! I told you that like three times on the way up. Were you listening?

And didn’t you see all of those other people on the mountain? It was kinda’ hard to see their faces, what with the helmets and ski masks, I guess, but I assumed those were our interns. I was really impressed with how many we have!

Christian: Wow, that is a lot! It’s hard to keep track of how many we have since we are constantly firing and hiring them all the time. But it’s good to know they came too.

So yeah... that was a good ski trip. A lot of quality team implementing and good re-grouping of our go-forward basis and such.

Pat:  Agreed! We didn’t really get to revisit our respective roles at PC-PPP, though, and I was, umm, wondering if we could continue that conversation. You mentioned awhile ago, at one of our many bourbon enhanced meetings, something about stock options or profit sharing as symbolic token of our partnership. I mean, it IS a partnership, right?

‘Cause sometimes it just feels a little bit like I’m Laurel to your Hardy, or Tom to your Jerry, or...I think I’m confusing myself again.

We’re equals, right? That’s what I’m trying to ask.

Christian: I guess it depends on what you mean by equal. If you mean similar but with drastic differences then yes, by all means we are complete and total equals. You’ve got nothing to worry about.

Pat: Yeah...I guess that’s what I mean. But...umm...what are some of those drastic differences? Just so I know where I stand within our organization, y’know.

Which one of these is a more apt illustration of our relationship:

 

--or--

    

Christian: Yes.

Pat: Yes? Ummm…”yes” what, exactly. I don’t want to pester you, but I don’t think you really answered anything. Are we more like Option 1 above, or like Option 2?

And if it’s Option 2, you can just lie and say Option 1. Or you can say Option 2 but with me as the bigger guy. Those are really your only options. Thanks.

Christian: Yes, like I said, the above option.

OK, I think we’ve covered this issue enough, let’s move on. How about our future goals? When are we going to be able to retire with enormous wealth? By Christmas?

Pat: I’m depressed. Sure. By Christmas. That’s fine. I can do that. Or try to, at least. We probably won’t. And it will probably be my fault.

Christian: HOT DOG!!! I can’t wait! It’s going to be the best Christmas ever!!!

20 comments:

  1. Don't have a sad, Pat. Maybe it's a CEO/CFO situation. An easy way to taste retirement is, every Friday say you're retiring, then come out of retirement on Monday.

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  2. According to current trends, I won't be able to retire until I'm 90. And if I make it that long, you better believe I'm going to enjoy the hell out of those last 6 months of well deserved rest.

    Also, "Bourbon enhanced meetings." I need to remember that one. Maybe the two of us could even use that as a tax write off.

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    1. We have always gone with the motto "What can't be used as a tax write off."

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  3. I like Pickleope's philosophy.

    But what I want to know, Pat and Christian, is why I wasn't invited on your corporate retreat? Tell me. Not being able to ski well* (*ski at all or even stand up on skis) is not a valid reason* (*actually is a totally valid reason). I could've at least been the hot chocolate runner!

    Seriously, as a fellow blog writer/ blog reader/ and frequent blog commenter, I take personal offense to the fact that my name was somehow "mysteriously" omitted from your guest list. I totally would've been there! I would've ditched* that family reunion with The Husband's people to go with you (*I did ditch the family reunion anyway, but this would have at least given me a more plausible reason than "I don't want to miss the new episode of 'Love It or List It' on HGTV in case TiVo is not programmed properly" and maybe The Husband would still be speaking to me and I wouldn't have to fake a back injury to get his attention).

    So next time you are looking for cute blonde unpaid interns to ignore you on the ski slopes, look no further!

    xxo
    MOV
    PS-- I vote that our new corporate drink get promoted from bourbon to Bailey's. I am sure that my personal trainer would approve. :)

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    1. You didn't get an invite!?!?! We'll check in with our Invitations and Hosting Department to see what happened. I'm guessing a lot of interns are going to get fired over this over site.

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  4. Your corporate retreat seems like it was way more fun than mine. Do you know how hard it is to keep stick-toon minions motivated? It doesn't help when one of them is a little bit of a sadist who likes not catching the others during the trust fall, just so she can hear the thud of their heads as they hit the floor.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah we were getting a lot of injuries from trust-falls too so we started doing doubt-rises instead. You just stand back and watch your partner stand up from a seated position. Injuries have dropped 10% since we've been doing them.

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  5. I wanna a corporate retreat!! Not sure who my interns would be though. You up for it? :)

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  6. I've never had a corporate retreat, and now I desperately want one.

    Sign me up!

    Pearl

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    1. Next time we meet with our Invitations and Hosting Department we'll make sure you're invited to the next one. Keep in my the next one is currently scheduled to be in Pat's garage.

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  7. Pat don't worry. I'm sure what Christian means is that did you know Sumo wrestlers have to eat like 50,000 calories a day? That is totally unhealthy. I don't think your corporate paradigm should be so bad for the public. I also don't believe in the silent g in paradigm. Is that all you learned in boarding school??

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    1. Pat actually went to boarding school in Japan for a bit. I'm assuming most of that time was spent studying Sumo wrestlers.

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  8. You guys would be fun to work for. Are you hiring?

    Thanks so much for finding and following my blog. I return all follows but was a little scared that this was a religious blog, since I read "Christian." Phew. I'm glad you're just a couple of goofballs. I mean that in a good way.

    xoRobyn

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    1. We are hiring but what we can't pay you in money, we can pay you in not paying you money. It's in the fine print.

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  9. Now you've got me wondering what exactly are high performance underwear.

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    1. It's underwear that allows you to perform high. Wait, that's not right.

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  10. Like MOV said we are mostly the share holders...were was the invite? Sure you guys are over the big pond but it would have been nice to be considerate.

    I might need some high performance underwear, I have to go to a 30th birthday party tonight.

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    1. I'm not good with economics but since PCPPP Corp is currently in the hole doesn't that mean our shareholders owe us money or something?

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